Hey K, seeing as you are not on email today, I will write here...
I know this isnt what you want, you want him to love you and you dont want to D. So in answer to your question, I guess its time to do something different? What you've been doing isnt working. Not to win him back, you did that already, but to repair your R. Its easy to blame H, but we can only change ourselves...
I know you felt alot of time went by and you already had your year of 'reconciliation' and now he should DO something and be ALL in and be romantic etc.. but I see it a bit differently. It was a fake reconciliation and he was still in the R right up until you found out in August (and I also believe him the R was at an end despite you finding out, not because you found out). Then he was in shock for a few weeks and then he edged back toward you (late Sept?) and you were reluctant at first, you said he was an ****hole!!
You may have had pretty high expectations of a guy who only got out of a 3 year A in August. Cyrena and Saffie both said their guys took months (6 months??) to get past their feelings for ow, EVENTHOUGH it was over and they recommitted to the M. Put yourself in his shoes.. you have just been giving attention to another woman for 3 years, caught in a destructive, addictive R with her and SUDDENLY you have to romance the woman you were S from for 2 years and feel so dreadfully ashamed toward? Thats going to take time, many many months. And your H is NOT an open, expressive person and is still struggling with the death of his mother (its not an excuse, but grief does funny things to some people! Look at my bf...)
This man did a terrible thing, he cheated and lied for 3 years.. but if you want him, you need to let go of it, at least enough to actually be able to function and rebuild as a couple again. Whats the point in continually beating him over the head with it and making snipy remarks about ow? If you do, its over. If you stop, maybe theres a chance you will get your old R back and I am sure one day, the sorry's and explanations WILL come, but your H is very slow to work through things and express himself.
Maybe your questions and anger and hurt make it harder for him? Compounded his guilt. There will be time for questions later once you are at stage 4 - fully recommitted. Ok, so bf fast tracked through the phases, but I didnt even MENTION ow until we were back together for 3 months and things were lovely. Neverlone started out from that point. I dont think we would have stayed together if I had of. His guilt was SO huge, even when we did talk here and there he could barely handle it.
