Well, I discovered email proof of the A yesterday. Ten minutes before I confronted her with the email, she denied it telling me I was arrogant, jelous, and paranoid. She actually prefered I think I was losing my mind to telling the truth! How sad. She was defensive, threatening and angry. My responses were that of firm compassion. The message I sent was 'you can only fool yourself now'.
I immediately set a boundry. End it or I will expose it. She wanted to know who I would expose it to. I responded it doesn't work that way and refused to elaborate. I walked away. I done good.
SHe approached me in the evening. I refused to talk. Late last night I told her how it felt to read your wifes writtings on the OM and being in love with him. She appologized for lying. No remose for the A though. But as I understand it that takes a long, long time. But my intention is not to make her feel bad about herself, she already does. My intention is to break the A.
Anyway, the baby(D2/12) was crying so I got up to go sleep in the nursery stating, I don't know how many nights I have left with my kids, so I am going to spend this one with her. She broke down. She talked about how bad our relationship was(shock). I acknowledged her feelings. But added, there is a direct inverse relationship between how bad our relationship is and how strong your feelings are for the OM. Then, she acknowledged there had been some good in our relationship. Strange. I felt I held the floor so I went on to ask if she noticed some character flaws in a married man who pursues a married woman. She said she just got swept up in the R. She said there has been so much pain in our relationship. I acknowledged her feelings ading the solution to pain in our relationship was not to simply start a new relationship. That does not lead you out of pain. But I added that you cant be wise and in love and I know you are in love with him. She cried and I held her. She discussed past relationships and her childhood. I just held her.
This morning, she said she was going to end the A.
I still need to set some boundries here. I spent much of last night thinking of them. I would like some advise. Here is my thinking. 1) End the A--no non-work related contact and that must be minimal and professional; 2) Grieve the loss of the R with OM.3) IC is a must(Also, she lied to our MC about the A); 4) If you want my trust, there must be transperancy; 5) If you want MC, then say so. Otherwise, I expose the A and walk. To high handed?
I may also have words with this pathetic excuse for a man who dared prey upon my wife when whe was vulnerable.
