DID XH M OW or not??

[peacetoday]

XH remains totally Dark
He has not visited the kids in weeks
no return calls
It is so weird
NO support at all
the kids are asking less about him
they are not calling him as much as he doesnt reply even from their phones
the kids are adjusting and continuing with their lives

I still have a hard time understanding what really happened
I still habe dreams like nightmares about the bomb
I guess im still trying to figure it all out
I know I had to get him out of the business
he was wrecking it
the truth is and I guess its still hard and a big adjustment
is we are better off without him
he was too unstable
I feel like I tried to keep it /him together throughout the crises
I covered for him at work and with the kids
all the while he has been a big A$$
I was stable cordial helpful and polite to him
I was a good secretary at work
I was flexible with his unavailability and self absorbsion
I covered for him and I may have stopped his bottom

until now
I stopped covering
there is some guilt involved with beling the caretaker and stopping
I know I did whats best and right
I have to let it all go
I couldnt have made the ending any different

I still want it to end different
seems unfair after all the pain and struggles it ends dark
I have changed and Im grateful for me
I got me and I like my life
I have everything I want except a friendship with X
I still want that
but I want a respectful friendship..maybe I cant ask him to be someone he is not
I do not want the M just a friendship
Why maybe for me maybe for the kidas
Im not sure??
any thoughts appreciated
Thansk for reading
peace