I agree. I think that I would worry about hurting the other person too. And your right, its an excellent confidence booster! Its not right when you are really more interested in saving your M then having a relationship with someone else. And I tell you what... explaining to people, "well, Im separated, but..." kind of sucks!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps. My H moved back in two weeks ago and that is how I got to where I am today. Patience will get you to where you need to be. Stay with it!
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
However, she is looking for another man to do that very thing for her!
How can there be any hope if a waw is looking for another man?
I think every female has a inner desire of wanting some man who would make her "swoon". (I believe that was the term I used in the post you are referring to.) That's not heard about too much in this day & time, but I was trying to make a point to you when I used that description of not expecting her to mistrust herself b/c she feared she would swoon at your nearness. However, in her WAW frame of mind......she may possibly be looking for some man who would actually cause her to feel that way. Not every WAW is on the prowl, of course, but if your W feels that she has missed out on romance, passion, etc., then she could be consciously or unconsciously looking & wondering if that man is out there.
Now, are you just going to lay down and give up simply b/c she may be thinking like that? If that was the case, how in the world did you ever capture her heart in the first place? I thought it was man's nature to persuade the female to believe he would be the best catch amoung any other in the world. Isn't that the attitude you should still have?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It is the attitude I have, but I don't know how to execute it if I'm limiting my contact with and u don't know if she is open to me trying to. Actually, I know she isn't and she's probably trying to stay clear so I won't.
Also, she originally chased me cause I made her laugh and she thought I would be good for her. She told me this years ago. I had a girlfriend when she told me her feelings and I said I couldn't do anything as I had a girlfriend. I later dropped my girlfriend and then started seeing her.
I think you are looking at executing = pursuing. But let's try to break this down another way.
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Also, she originally chased me cause I made her laugh and she thought I would be good for her.
That is what you will have to do this time around. She needs to chase you. Become that man again. It will take time for her to come around to wanting to pursue you, but that is the way it needs to work.
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I had a girlfriend when she told me her feelings and I said I couldn't do anything as I had a girlfriend.
How does your stitch then differ from now? You apparently did not see your GF back then as an obstacle.
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I later dropped my girlfriend and then started seeing her.
So, set you goal and work at what you want to achieve.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So, how do I get her to see the man I used to be (and am now) when she won't spend any time with me? I only see her once a week and thats only for a few minutes.
I do have Christmas morning to show her, and that will be for a few hours, but other than that, I don't have many quality opportunities.
So, how do I get her to see the man I used to be (and am now) when she won't spend any time with me? I only see her once a week and thats only for a few minutes.
If you have any mutual friends that you both spend time with, she'll hear about it.
As PDT says, never discount the effect of third parties. In fact, it will mean more if her co-worker or relative says "I ran into Stu the other day, and he's looking pretty good."
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
That's the problem. Our mutual friends are really her friends. I've not heard a word from them since we've split. I don't know any if her friends from work that well either. All her work functions never included partners. Only one if her cousins calls me. If it wasn't for him, I'd have no contact with her family at all. It's like they have all cut me off.
Any other ideas ?
Thanks.
Sydney, Australia H: 34 W: 33 M: 11 s: 6 Asked for Divorce 12th Nov 2009
Stu, I was just reading your sitch. Ours are alot alike and Ive struggles with some of the same issues. How do I show someone ive changed if my only contact with them is talking back in forth via text about the kids. The only time ive seen here the last three weeks was one day when she droppped them when I was home. I think ive been doing a good job detaching but I wonder everday is this how its going to end??
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
I really need some advice urgently. My w called me this afternoon and she said she may have an interested buyer in the house we are building. To me it sounds like she has no intention or a remote incling of reconsidering. She said we could keep our other property and pay half the mortgage each, but for our son. It really deflated me. She is arranging property reports to see how much our house would be worth and and also doing agent searches to find the best one.
I really don't know what to do now. I think I should give up cause I can't see a way to at least try again.
