C, You are not being stupid, you are being human. It's very difficult this time of year for those who are going through this mess and then have to deal w/being alone on Christmas Day. Do you have family close by? What about friends? I think you need to come up with a plan for the day and stick to it. Please do not sit home alone....that's not good!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
