Hope is the thing with feathers....

[Bridgestone]

Thanks cookie.. that is great insight Doc has.. as always. I'm trying to keep it in mind as I look forward to other possibilities of "partner" in my life.

1st 'real' mediation session was awful. Our "Mediator" that StbXH's counselor (whom I respect very much) recommended... play lawyer for almost the entire time.

Kept trying to do things we don't want him doing...there was no "tell me your issues and what you'd like to see done" for either of us. Just lots of stories of how he's handled things with other clients (as a lawyer) in the past.

Don't get me wrong this guy is apparently a great family law attorney.. has argued 2 or 3 cases in front of our state Supreme Court, and is knowledgable about what is allowed in our state & not.

However, we each have our own lawyer & are looking for someone to navigate & mediate this mess of a settlement. He came across as dismissive & arrogant to both the StBX & I... in fact other than a school issue with our D!5 last month... this was the first thing in AGES that he & I agreed on... this guy left a bad taste in both our mouths.

Icing on the really bad cake however, was the STbXH's attorney did not get the mediator any of the financial stuff. So the guy was shooting blind.. however, that is no excuse in my book to not ask questions to find out what our individual positions are and what we each have for concerns.

I'm pissed at StBXH because he promised (yeah, I know) that he'd get everyone all the copies.. I made sure my attorney had what she needed and 'assumed' (yeah I know) that he would follow through since he was the one that wanted mediation so badly.

I'm thinking of emailing the mediator, after having discussed this in more detail with the StBXH and refreshing my mind on what a mediator's responsibilities are fromothe web.. and clearly laying out what we expect from him as 'mediator' not attorney... and asking him if he can do what we need/want. If not, thanks for your time. If he thinks so, then clearly lay out your plan for mediating this next Monday so we are all on the same page.

Has anyone reading this had any experience with mediation (not the kind where you are both at an impasse, but where you are tyring to find the common ground and both parties main issues are addressed BEFORE an agreement is even written up?

I knew it wasn't common in our state (seems like we are always 20 years behind).. or if this is just this guy's style.

Thanks for listening & any input would be great!
Peace
Bridge