Gucci and Robx...U 2 got a min. to weigh in???

[ginab1966]

Hi! I am ok. It must have seemed like I dropped off the face of the earth. I didn't. Still alive, well and taking nurishment. Too much nourishment over the Thanksgiving week! :-)

So, gosh, where do I begin. Quickly I will say that the night out for my husband ended up being a learning op. for both of us. He never called me during the night as planned and I called him at midnight and never got an answer for an hour. He said he didn't hear the phone over the music and didn't have the phone on vibrate. I don't believe that for a minute. However, I do believe he was where he said he was because people I know saw him there and tell me he was "with the guys" only. That said, we did have a come to Jesus talk about how things need to happen when we go out in risky situations such as this. When I call, he needs to answer the phone. I explained to him that it's not just to give me contact but because we have a 4 yr. old child and anything could be happening when I call. I told him that when I called and he didn't answer I could've been calling him to tell him DD had a 105 temp and being rushed to the hosp. It was a very long night and few days afterward. He was apologizing profusely and I was accepting but def. acting much cooler and told him that I just needed time. I tried to explain to him that trust is almost like a balancing act. I give trust and when we agree to a plan and that plan isn't followed, then the mistrust creeps in and we're doing the backwards two-step. I think if I didn't have people who saw him at the club this would've been a very different situation. Of course my first instinct was to think of OW and my friends confirmation that he was with the guys helped that.

Everyday we are working on things. Trying to connect again. Trying to make time for each other when there isn't any. Thanksgiving was really terrific. All at our house. All holidays are at our house and big Italian affairs with lots of food, loud talking and and laughter. My nephew was saying to my H and I that he was going to be at his mom's in Utah for x-mas and really didn't want to go. He's 21 and I said to him that I was sorry that his whole life had been spent going from one house to the other because of the divorce. He looked at both of us and said "I know what you two must be going through but the fact that you are trying to work this out...I have so much respect for you. Being a kid growing up with divorced parents is not good and my parents got along better than most. You are always split. It's just not good". Ron looked at me and he was all choked up and couldn't really say anything. It was just a nice reality check for us. Our DD loves the idea of family. REAllY REALLY loves it. We put up our tree yesterday and after we were all done she had us all hold hands and sing Christmas carols and have a "family hug". She is just the most loving, sweet child. She would've been devistated by our split. I'm happy to say that it looks more and more like she won't have to endure that sort of pain.

Hallowell's assessment was short but got us on a path that has made all the difference in the world. I am now going to see psych to get perscribed meds. My appointment is in a few weeks. I"m excited but nervous at the same time. These aren't sugar pills we're talking about...these are serious drugs. He put us in touch with an ADHD Relationship Coach and we've been seeing her on Saturdays. Seeing her has made a vast improvement in our relationship and both of our behaviors towards each other. She is an hour and 1/2 away and we don't care. She is work every mile and every ounce of gas. I'm just going to give you one little thing that was a HUGE epiphany...We were discussing money and that H doesn't always give me all of his share of the bill money and I don't want to confront that. She asked him "When you don't give her all the money for the mortgage and the mortgages comes due, do you ever consider where that extra money is going to come from? Do you ever consider her and your daughter in this equation?" He said "No, I just know that she will find a way to make it work. She always does because she's so good at that sort of stuff". She then went on to explain to him that this was a typical ADHD son/mom sort of situation. The ADHD'er is irresponsible and the non-adhd'er is expected to save the day leading to resentment and distrust. However, in our case, I am an ADD'er that is just functioning at a higher level and the pressure of having to be the responsible one is leading me into an anxiety spiral. So, we are now working on these types of issues...communicating on hot topic issues and helping H to see how his behavior effect the family as a whole. This weekend was the first weekend that he took his med's faithfully, each day, since I can't remember when.

So, things are looking up. I'm sorry I don't have time to write more but I have to get at least a 20 min walk in before work.

Thanks for thinking of me and checking up on me. I hope you are well also and the holidays are peacefilled for you.

{{{{Oldtimer}}}} God Bless...!!!