No worries Pearl... that is helpful in general. I know there are times I want to shoot some "truth darts" too, and that is a good idea to look for natural openings.
To all of you who are posting on my thread, your insights and experiences are helpful to me right now. Our piecing is so fresh and new that it helps me to hear from people who have been at it longer. I am very grateful that my H is already willing to talk about the R. As a matter of fact, sometimes it is too much. He is processing a lot and has some huge wake up calls about who OW really is (her character... or lack of it) and the risks he almost took. As all of this has sunk in, he has processed a lot of it with me. That has helped us talk about our R. Most of this has been good, and healthy. We have been able to talk about it calmly most of the time. But, it gets to be too much for me at times, and then I tell him. He is now seeing an IC, so sometimes I tell him "save that part for your IC.. a little TMI for me" it it's about OW and the A.
We had a bit of an off day today. H was struggling with anger. I think he is realizing some of the weight of what he has done, doesn't know how to deal with it all, so it comes out as anger at times.
I had a rough day with finding the "reality" of the fact that the H I trusted completely for 18 out of 19 years of marriage cheated on me, and that fact is now a part of our lives that will never go away or change. Every so often the "reality" hits me like a wave, then settles out again. I assume that is common. How long does that last?
Also - H is now feeling quite dependent on me, very grateful I am standing by him, needs me a lot. At first, this was great... a bit of that "second honeymoon" thing. But, there are times I need space because the hurt and anger wells up so strongly that I just can't be around him for a few minutes. Usually I go in the bathroom or bedroom and let it settle. He seems to understand.
My IC tells me I need to be careful not to be there for him so much right now that I lose myself in this and not keep working on my own self care. I know that is true.
Anyway... just some rambling, journaling... whatever... it is getting late and I am tired
Keep the suggestions and pointers coming.... I appreciate them!
