sorry for the long time out...life gets busy this time of year, but it helps to forget the hurt.
Thank you all so much, I knew you guys would help me get to the bottom of this.
I actually do go for days at a time without remembering that I ever was married before. Then I think of my MIL and wonder about her health, or I hear about something happening in his state on the news and it all comes rushing back. Most days I handle it ok, but 10 years is kind of significant you know?
Gypsy thanks so much for helping me see more clearly. I work with diamonds on a daily basis and know very well how the facets make the diamond... and each one gives off it's own color of light and shine when it is held the right way. Just never thought of how my ex may have made a few of those facets for me in my life and without them things would be so different.
Oldtimer... I hope your divorce hasn't lasted this long! Thank you too for really seeing what I was missing. You hit the nail right on the head! I just didn't see how the troubles I'm facing in my marriage are adding to this crazy longing I'm having for someone in my past that I am so much better off without.
While I love my DH dearly, he came into the marriage with alot of baggage and as a result acts more like a 20 something year old kid rather than a 38 year old man. He misses so much so often that I end up taking on a greater burden in the relationship than I should. I think in a lot of ways I miss the strength of my ex as far as guiding the marriage and doing his part to take care of the day to day stuff instead of blindly walking through life like my DH now.
I guess I've been going backwards again and trying to see the timeline and future that I'd hoped for with my ex and realizing that none of my goals or dreams during that time that I lost are coming true on my current timeline either. It seems that I work so hard and never can catch a break. I guess I wonder what it would be like had my ex given the marriage a chance.
I think I will write a letter to my husband before I write this coming letter to my ex (only to be read here of course if you guys will help duct tape my hands to my chair for me). Oldtimer, I think you're right - I really am not happy. I don't want to go backwards for sure, but I'm not going in the right direction forwards either.
