My stich has been full of its ups and downs. I told her that i want out and don't expect me to stay here after the new year. I told my SS22 that I'm probably going to move out. He asked if he could live with me.
I told my C everything and he asked me what brought things to this level. I told him I was tired of being used. He said he understood what I was saying. Then he we talked about the Thanksgiving weekend and how my sisters told me more about my dad. It seems my father abandoned me for his new family after my mom and dad got D. My C said that this feeling can carried from childhood up to adult hood. He said volumes of material have been written about abandonment. I think he was right that this affected me more than I thought.
After my C session I told my w what we discovered. Now I know why I so screwed up I said. She turned and hugged me I cried a little and then thanked her for listening.
I told her that M is what she just did to listen to your spouses problem and just be there. To give them a hug when they look down or to tell them your sorry they feel that way. I then told her that M is more than sex it's me making her feel good and her making me feel good. I thanked her again and went about my buisness.
Since then I've been preparing to leave her, both mentally and physically. I've cleaned out and gotten rid of the clutter in my closet. I'm paying down my CC bills because that will be the only way I can afford an apartment.
I don't want to leave her but I don't think she's capable of giving me any more. I'm still very much undecided if D11 soon to be D12 can handle her dad moving out. I still may stay for her and let my w, live her own life.
Well that's what fixer has in his life. Not much excitement but a lot of ups and downs.
