Is this the end of my marriage?

[Gnosis]

She's got reasons to be angry, the hatred on the other hand smells like spew.

[P17]

She's got reasons to be angry, the hatred on the other hand smells like spew.

I have no experience of this but selfless acts I think would only work when there are legitimate reasons for the hatred. When the hatred is just spew, then the selfless acts would probably make it worse (he's just trying to be nice - what a *$£!!)

Time mate. I think time is your friend here. She will eventually calm down when her brain engages and she discovers that it is just spew.

Just my 2p worth.

[chatterbug]

One good thing about hatred and anger.

You are on their mind.

Beats indifference sometimes.

At least you know they still care

[newmama]

Good insights shared tonight! More validation that there are sensitive, strong, intelligent men out there who will make some women very happy one day! (your WAWs or someone else!)

btw if there are varying levels of love (i.e. infatuation, mature love, etc.) then there must be varying levels of hate, too, right? because I don't think that I care about the OW but I do feel hate for her right now.

[P17]

btw if there are varying levels of love (i.e. infatuation, mature love, etc.) then there must be varying levels of hate, too, right? because I don't think that I care about the OW but I do feel hate for her right now.

I don't think you can hate somebody you don't know. You can however hate what they are DOING. That's different.

[chatterbug]

And were single

Hate is a very interesting topic.

Hate is a choice. I do not know if I am capable of hate. Dislike yes. Hate seems like such a waste of time.

It will be interesting to see what ladybug does over the next few years with her feelings towards me.

But thats her burden. Not mine.

We are going to go two ways.

1. Never talk again.
2. Work things out and attempt to save marriage.

As I will not be her friend. I am her husband and lover or nothing. I did not marry her over 10 years ago to be just her friend.

No hate. Just facts about reality.

[newmama]

I hate what she did/is doing then! I don't know her as well as WH (har har) but I did spend time with her last summer (2008).
I know her type...just trusted my WH woulld be smart enough to see it...we talked about her dysfunctional ways. But no, he saw some potential in her...yeah in bed! No, seriously, I haver higher EQ than he does!

ok sorry to impose my sitch on your thread, P17!

[P17]

Hate seems like such a waste of time.

Completely agree. Hate consumes you.

It's why, as you said many times before, lock that little bit of love away for the WAS. It stops your feelings turning to hate. That's for us and is very important.

As I will not be her friend. I am her husband and lover or nothing. I did not marry her over 10 years ago to be just her friend.
No hate. Just facts about reality.

Cutter, you said it again. Absolutely 100% agree. As I think all WAS's do, they want to be your friend. I told my W from day 1, I will not be here friend. I am her Husband. As you said, I didn't marry her to get her friend - I married her to be her husband, lover and best friend TOGETHER. Fact.

[P17]

An update for today and genuinely asking for some advice as I'm a little lost.

Postal mail came in today. A card from W's mum (I recognised the handwriting on the envelope). I thought that was nice, a xmas card.

Unfortunately it was a condolence card for my mum. With a letter inside.

The anger filled me like you were filling a jug. I briefly skimmed the card and the letter as I couldn't read them for it.

The letter basically said that they were sorry, they liked my mum and my D needs her granny and to give her a big hug.

I had to leave the house right away. I went for a walk on the beach for an hour to calm down.

I am still angry, but I can at least type now.

I have no idea why I got so angry about it all. My mum's death was a private matter for family. Those 'people' didn't bother to contact me when my mum was ill, contact me at any time in the last 4 months including when I told W that my mum had 2 months to live. They haven't contacted me about D or to see how any of us were. And now they think it's okay to write me a letter telling me they are thinking of us and how important a granny is to a little girl.

WTF?!?

Am I missing something here, and I really mean genuinely missing something. In my angry emotional state I could very well be overreacting to this. In fact I know I overreacting but does anybody else see an issue with this?

And to top it all, no mention of their D who decided to walk out on me and her step-D. Yeah, a grannys love is important to a little girl, but did you tell your daughter about how important a step-mum's love is to a little girl? No, clearly not.

What I want from W and her family is to be left alone. The occassional xmas card would be nice but that's it. Nothing more. NOTHING. They are not part of my life so I don't feel they have a role in telling me how important anything is to a little girl. That is MY little girl. Their D abandoned my little girl and her H for OM. Her family have supported her through this - and facilitated it.

ARRGGHH!!

My question, is why do I feel like this after the smallest bit of contact? I AM doing so well. I was feeling great yesterday and then the smallest bit of contact comes in and bang, off I go again.

And do you know what really REALLY hurts after saying all of that? Not even a whisper from W about my mum. No 'sorry' or anything else. What a cold hearted b*tch she is. How she found out, I've yet to discover.

I apologise for my rant. I just need to get this out.

[P17]

Something I was wondering. This may come from my screwed up emotional state just now, so 2x4 if you think I need it.

I was going to be sending out Xmas cards this year to W's family, friends etc. It's xmas, I can handle receiving those cards. Somebody suggested to me that I sign the cards from me, D and somebody else. Like, Jenny, P and D ... kind of thing.

This seems incredibly childish to me and I don't see the point but thought I'd ask anyway. What do others think? Anybody done this?

It would be a tactic to only make W jealous which I'm not really sure I care too much about to be honest. I think it may make me feel better though. It could also backfire but hey, what exactly do I have to lose just now?

Anyway, 2x4, comments, advice ... and remember I am only suggesting it to solicit comments as somebody suggested it to me (that's my get out of jail free card)!