Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

I'm feeling kind of down today. It's like whenever you have the good, the bad is just always trailing right behind. H came over and everything went reasonably fine from his standpoint I believe. He slept most of the time (which he apologized for, but I'm being understanding as a work in progress sleep issue), played with S (who was being super cranky today), and had lunch with us. He once again said thank you again before he left for making him lunch. Like I said yesterday, finally nice to be appreciated! Other good things that happen was that he said by the time he gets a chance to finally settle down and think about S and me, its late at night after work and doesn't want to wake me by texting (but still nice that he thinks about me). I told him I still thought it would be nice to send those texts to let me know that he is thinking about me/us so that I can wake up to them. But he's just like, well, I don't want to wake you b/c you and work and stuff. Valid reason, but still... So anyways, I had some realizations today. I think he is truly into me, so I don't think he's playing me so to speak, but it's almost like he's convinced himself that this other "friendship" is ok, so it's ok to resume feelings to me too. This probably isn't exactly making sense, but his feelings towards me feel real, but it's frustrating to know that he things his actions with OW are fine(and really all his co-workers - he just doesn't get boundaries. It seems like to him, as long as he doesn't have sex with them that he's not cheating). I just really don't know what to think...I have no wake to "check up" on him to see if he's lying. Yeah, I know it's not good to stalk, but I don't want to be played for a fool either, by having no clue that he has having other R's behind my back. He swears OW and him are nothing more than friends, but since he's lied to me about their "friendship" before, why do I have any reason to believe him now?

Ok, so the reason this all is coming out is b/c when I was putting S down for his nap, I hear H talking on the phone (not sure who called who). It sounds like he is talking to me or his mom (you know, someone super close). I called him on it and he said it was OW calling about work tonight. (Really, isn't she a big enough girl to figure out her schedule on her own). It just made me sick and I just started to completely shut down with H. I had a billion things I wanted to say, but none that were helpful at this point, so I just didn't say anything. How dare he talk to her in my house, especially b/c he probably thought I wouldn't even know b/c I was in the other room putter OUR son down. Like I said, just makes me sick!!! I don't know what their true relationship is and frankly I don't care, but she needs to go!

So the only thing I have to go on now is the hope that as H start working on himself, some of these things will figure their way out. Maybe once his frontal cortex starts working again, he'll actually have enought judgement to realize that what he is doing is wrong!