Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

(Written from my blackberry, so please excuse the many typos)

Journaling:

Large inadvertent R discussion last night precipitated by w almost catching me checking DB website on my blackberry. I instinctively shielded the screen and put it away, and Mrs. T caught the action.

She didn't see the site and assumed I was texting. She accused me (correctly) of acting strange and furtive and asked for an explanation. When I refused ("I don't need to explain myself") she became angry and accused me of acting weird, of not wanting to work on the R (when I then asked her "do you want to want to work on the R" she replies "why would I want to work on a m with someone who acts as weird as yo do" (referring to my bb - circular argument)

It went on for a long time. I needed both my spew raincoat (for the things she said that were accurate) and mt boundaries (for the mindreading, projecting, gaslighting, and just plain old unsubstantiated personal attacks)

At one point during the discussion she stated firmly her view that "we ARE married" but also aknowledged (when I called her on it) that she was expecting me to stay committed to the m when she was outspokenly not commited to it.

I ended the discussion by saying that I expected her to make a decision - commit to me and the M, or end it and leave, and that if she could not, then I would leave. But, however, I will continue to honor our agreement and not ask her to make this decision during the xmas season or while she is consumed with her mothers sickness.

Today I have just been pretending that it never occured. We had a good day going to church and visiting friends.