here we go again

[P17]

i'm just scared to respond back to him. plain and simple, i'm scared to respond to his msg.

Why are you scared?

[Jstar]

i'm scared to get a response back i'm scared to not get a response back. what is said on the other side of his text.

i've been dark since nov26 and the not having to talk to him is letting me breath and not think about so much stuff so much in my face, a major stress reliever.

i know at some point in time i will have to speak to him or see him, i don't know if i'm ready.

don't get me wrong i want to work on my marriage but in the past i have always been the one to piece it back together again, i don't want to do that anymore. i have also been the one to chase and pursue and i'm not doing any of that this time.

i miss him but not the him i've been married to for some time.

i would hang on every word he says, read into it and no matter what put my own spin on what it all means. rate now, i'm detached somewhat from doing this.

[armywifevampi]

U have the power that's what im trying to do... What u just said reminds me of me ... know im not me and he is really not himself..

[Jstar]

yeah i guess i could say that i'm controlling things with d2 and i at this current time. we have stepped back and just let him be. in me not responding he is not getting an rise or response out of me, no arguements, me just trying to get my stuff together, think about what i want, change me teh best i can.

none of this is easy, it wasn't going to be. i'm just in the beginning stages of dbing. h has a time bomb coming his way. in less then 60 days i will be giving birth to another one of our children. though i don't think he realizes how close it is.

[bluerain]

Jstar, you cant worry about the things that the other people will say. You literally have no control over that! All that you can be thoughtful and sincere and hope for the best.

I do not think that you should talk to him until you are really ready and prepared for whatever happens. You have to know, any time that you put yourself out there that it might not go your way. I also think that goind dark has been really good for you, and you are the only one who can know if you are ready.

You have to also be committed to not mind reading, and taking things at their face value.

[Jstar]

i don't think either one of us is ready to speak to one another. i know i'm not really ready and trying not to let fear guide me in decisions.

it is the not knowing what is going on, if he moved out of his mothers is dating someone. why he hasn't picked up the rest of his stuff.

i'm seriously thinking of going to home depot and hiring a day laboror to box it up and throw it all in my attic, plus get the changing table down for my soon to be arriving boy.

then i would not see it or think he's going to just show up one day and want it. each night we come home i check the back yard to see if he broke the lock and took his stuff.

rate now things are going for the most part teh way i want them to go.

[bluerain]

Thats good, its empowering to really feel like we are in control. I think that one of the big factors in whether depression in these things gets the best of us is how much control we feel like we have.

If you did pack his things up, I would put them in a garage, or just someplace where if he did decide to pick them up, he wouldnt have to tromp through your home to get them. I think that its a good idea. To not only show him that you are serious, but to get his presence out of your face. You shouldnt have to check and see if he broke in.

Did you change the locks? If you did, thats great!

[Jstar]

i'm putting everything off till my two week vacation. it won't cost me anything to run errands with my niece watching d2 to see an attorney and get other things taken care of. i don't have the time while working and driivng here and there with daughter before and after school, dinner, dogs/cats/house.

[Jstar]

it's almost 2pm and all is quiet on his front. no texts, no calls, no nothing. i went and set myself up for expecting a text or something, since it has been a few days. but there is no routing or rhyme reason to anything at this point.

[ClingingToHope]

also i have a log in for match.com, i am NOT looking to date, I NEED to make friends and GAL. I'm 7 months pregnant and would just like someone to talk to that isn't going to psycho analyze me.

I'm looking for that as well. I really miss the end of day conversation. Are you on FaceBook. I love adding friends there. Mishka down in Georgia is one of my friends.