A Choice

[patpat]

I read on another post that sometimes to get your spouse to act differently, you should allow them to believe you are dating....

what if your spouse has already told you to start. I refused of course....

What is she trying to do?

[P17]

She is testing you.

I refused of course....

Ans he knew you would. Do a 180. Call her bluff. Go date.

[patpat]

Thanks Trent...

I feel really good right now.

Cooked a very good meal for my S and his GF. My older brother came to stay with me awhile for support. He tells me many of the same things I hear here. Truth be told, I much rather talk with everyone hear. But I am glad he came anyway. He is retired and travels alot.

Everyday I am getting stronger. I am doing good on going Dark now. Will continue. I am almost ready to go the tough love route. I will need your help.

I believe I am ready to take the hard line no matter the outcome.

With all of you here for support, I already know that I am on the better side of a bad situation...

[patpat]

P17

Thanks for the reply. I will stay dark. I have not seen her or spoken to her in 7 days. Everyday is getting easier. I believe I am ready to go all the way with DBing.

Once is enough, I was having a very weak moment.

Things have been really good this week. Since last Sunday, I really haven't had to bad of a time going Dark. Until today, I had only had 2 night where I found it hard to sleep.

I stay busy but have not really eaten well last several days. I will get a drip on this one. I think it is because of the quick weight loss or stomach shrinking maybe. But I look better today then I have in the past 10 years... maybe deep down I do not want it to change.

I have started running, and light workouts. i will prob start going to the gym. For now, just reading alot.

[patpat]

I apologize for the typos', I am way new to the computer. Do not type or spell very well either...

[P17]

Thanks for the reply. I will stay dark. I have not seen her or spoken to her in 7 days. Everyday is getting easier. I believe I am ready to go all the way with DBing.

It does get easier. But if my own sitch is anything to go by, it will get harder before it get's easier. Be prepared for a rollercoaster of emotions and the DESPERATE need to contact her once you realise she hasn't contacted you. You will get it my friend. Just recognise it. Deal with it. But DO NOT contact her. This is very VERY important. Vent here. Scream here. Shout here. Whatever you need to do.

I stay busy but have not really eaten well last several days. I will get a drip on this one. I think it is because of the quick weight loss or stomach shrinking maybe.

Hey, join the club. It's a chemical withdrawal from the relationship. That withdrawal has a tendency to suppress the appetite. I have lost almost 3 stone.

But I look better today then I have in the past 10 years...

Me too. I now get into a suit that was made for me about 7 years ago. A suit that I haven't had on for about 5 of those as it was too small. It's now just a tad big

maybe deep down I do not want it to change.

Let that go until you are further down the road and understand your feelings better.

I have started running, and light workouts. i will prob start going to the gym. For now, just reading alot.

You're GALing. You're reading. Keep doing both. They will do you the world of good.

[chatterbug]

Remember if she askes if your dating.

Answer

"You wanted me to be happy. I am happy"

Thats it.

[njcbailey]

cutterbug- I like the answer! :-)

I will use it in my sitch.

[sandi2]

Found out yesterday W has been extremely sick. W went to Doc and perscribed meds. Found out from friend that W is not spending much time with OM (prob because she is sick).

Should I read anything into this?

I don't know exactly how you mean that. Are you saying that it is a positive sign b/c she isn't spending time with OM while she's sick? IDK, but she may not want him to see her when she's not at her best.

You will be able to read "something" into "everything" as long as you are putting too much of your thoughts/attention to her and OM.

I can't help but feel that when I went Dark, my W went double Dark

First....it hasn't been long enough, second.....your attention is focused too much on her instead of other areas in your life. At first, it seems she does go dark b/c you were the one making all the contacts. But keep doing it and then she will draw closer to you, in time.

Oh BTW.... I did tell her family about the A and how messed up it is. They already know and ave told her she needs to quit it.

They are trying to get her back in church...

If you are exposing your W's A in hopes that pressure from her family will cause her to go back to you, then I think you'll be disappointed. The more pressure they put on her about church, etc. at this time, will probably result in more rebellion. She feels that you and her family are interfering in "her" life. I know that sounds crazy, but that's how she feels.

As for the A; makes me feel like she deserves everything she gets...

That's the anger and it's normal, but for your own sake....don't allow it to eat you up.

Do WAW really ever want to come back???? Mine is not hiding her A from anyone really... maybe a little....

Let me explain something about exposure...from the WAW's POV. If she's exposed to everyone....what does she have to lose? I mean, why would she try to hide it if it has been exposed? In my case, if I had been exposed to everyone....I am pretty sure I would have moved to be with OM (who lived out of state). Which leads me to your next question.

An

d can someone explain to what exactly the "Fog" is?

Have you ever tried to drive a car in fog that was so dense that you could not see the front of the hood on that car? That is what it's like for a WAW. Yes, her brain is flooded with those false "in-love" chemicals, but her thinking is so screwed up that it is like driving in the fog. When a LBH asks why she can't see what she's doing.....that is why.

Will my W's crash and want to return

The A will probably crash & burn. As to the question about her wanting to return.....that mostly weighs on you. How you respond to the things that are happening now. Again I use the exposure for an example......be careful how you do that and what you say about her b/c it can come back to haunt you if there is a reconcilliation. Just as the A will be an issue....so will the exposure--if you tell everyone about her A.

[chatterbug]

when you talk to her family about the affair.

You had your heart to heart.

Now when you talk to them it is only about gal. Family is family. They will support her. You can only hope they don't support the adultry.

And when you truelly go dark. Give them space as well.