Separated--Does Not Admit to OW

[saffie]

benotafraid,

It is a pleasure to 'be here' for you. Others did the same for me and it helped me keep my sanity.

I wonder if instead of still making up his mind your H just doesn't know how to bring this all to a conclusion.

Like you, I wouldn't stay with someone just because I had no-where else to go and I was frightened of ending up by myself. I think your H will recognise that fact too. I just wonder though, if because he is the sort of guy who tells people what they want to hear, he won't have the guts to actually bring the situation to any conclusion and he will wait for one of you ladies to do it for him. I guess I feel that way from my own experience. My H really let me do the work in getting rid of OW. It was touch and go for a period, even though my H had not left the marital home. OW in my sitch has shown herself to be more committed as she had left her marital home and her young children. I fought tooth and nail to show my H just how much he meant to me and I know that swung it.....but I had been too passive over prior years in our M and that is whar had led mainly to my H thinking I didn't care, and to him turning elsewhere for friendship and adoration-which OW gave him in bucket loads.

For all the confidence the OW in your sitch appears to have from things you have previously said, she is obviously not that sure of herself or she would leave her H because she would think that your H would be forced into committing to her then. Obviously she is picking up vibes that all is not in her favour.

Hang in there. Christmas may well just work well in your favour, and hopefully that may lead to some decisions being made. Just beware your H doesn't get to enjoy the company of two women fauning over him so much that he wants the situation to just continue that way indefinitely, whilst you remain in this state of heightened anxiety. At the moment it sounds like all he has to whisper is 'jump' and both you ladies scream back 'how high?'. However, it would seem best to keep the status quo for the moment.

(((((hugs))))))) I know this is just so hard, but FWIW, you seem to be dealing with this in a very good and intuitive way. I wish your H knew how lucky he was to have you - but just maybe he does which is why he can't make the decision to be with OW permanently - because let's face it, at the moment that would be an easy option and he is not pursuing it. Keep the faith.