Coping with Bi-Polar WAW

[CountingCrows]

Thanks for the input, K. Although I couldn't say this at the time that W moved out, it's not about vengeance anymore.

Would it harm or help the chance of our M...I feel in my heart it would harm it. I don't know the true nature of W and OM's current R. All I have to go on is the amount of texting they were still at before she changed phones 4 weeks ago. For all I know at this point, the greener pasture is going brown. They may truly be just friends (rather than "just friends") at this point. I do still feel that having the 4th person aware of what has happened in the past could put pressure on OM, but honestly don't know if it's the right thing to do.

I do know that if W were to come to me and sincerely ask to reconcile our M, I would still stand firm with my boundary that OM can not be in her life in any manner. This is non-negotiable, regardless of the nature of their R. After the initial betrayal and the continued lies and deceit regarding him, this is a deal-breaker for me.

Today, I took S7 over to W's apartment to play with her roommate's D6. They got involved in a craft project and I talked with W again for a few minutes alone. We discussed some details about Christmas Eve/Day (she wants to be with us, her family, for the holiday) and some upcoming events like next weekend, when S7 and I will be attending a Christmas event. S7 won't be spending the night with her again until the day after Christmas. I also told her about S7 and my plans to go to Disney World in mid-January and filled her in on the dates.

W apologized again for her tardiness again, and said I had every right to be upset. She said that it was something that she had spent a lot of time talking to her IC about and is trying hard to change that incredibly bad trait. I didn't give her the entire speech I had planned, but told her that it was unacceptable to me for her to treat me and S7 with such disrespect. She said she understood. Unfortunately, I didn't finalize the boundary with the consequences of future tardiness, but I know that I will have another opportunity to fully present those consequences soon enough.

At one point, she mentioned again how she had never worked so hard, only to be a failure and told me that she didn't understand how I could even still want her. I just shook my head, put my hand on my heart, stood up and said that I needed to get back home to work on the bathroom remodeling. She followed me to the door, asked for a hug and held me tight, whispering in my ear "I DO still love you".

I can't tell if it's the DBing that's working, seasonal depression, or simply the fact that she's fearful for her future financial situation...but it seems that the dynamics of our R are changing.