You're walking the tightrope between being an assertive (I hate saying "integrated man," but I guess that's what I mean) man and a jerk, and it's not easy. Handing a man who's upset and scared for his marriage and resenting his wife a manual that says he should think of himself more often leads to him either trying out being a completely selfish jerk for awhile, or being so afraid that he will, that he can't bring himself to stop being a doormat. You're doing the hard part very well.
Just remember what you said about actions and words. Right now, she's hearing your words, and she's starting to come around a little. You have concrete goals to put into action, and when she sees your actions, it'll be hard for her to justify trying to freeze the marriage where it is. If she's going to make significant changes, that will come after she sees your good intentions put into action. That takes time.
Keep doing what you're doing. It's great that you modified your request to focus on the two books that mattered the most to you, and it's also great that you insisted that she live up to her promise. It's easy to listen to a woman's excuses, seethe in private, and complain to us about them. But it's hard to sit in front of her, maybe while she has tears running down her face, and tell her that you won't accept less.
Getting her to read these books is not going to be easy or quick. Left to herself, she would continue to insist that anything that's wrong in your marriage has to do with too much thinking about sex, not too little. She's only reading these books, in the final analysis, because she wants to please you. She probably doesn't realize yet that they may be important for her as an individual.
