P17,I understand this is not about them but me - but what exactly is he punishing me for?
He will be here in the afternoon but choses to spend the morning where the kids opening their presents and the x-mas dinner without them - I don't understand how he doesn't miss them - he hasn't seen them in 3 months
When our false recovery failed and I called him up on his lies about his rebound girl he got really angry and said " I hope in a years time you will regret this and you will be really miserable." Is this what this is about - I called him up on his lies and he is punishing me for it?
P17,I understand this is not about them but me - but what exactly is he punishing me for?
I used the word punish because newmama used it. It's probably the wrong word to use.
He's trying to hurt you.
Quote:
He will be here in the afternoon but choses to spend the morning where the kids opening their presents and the x-mas dinner without them - I don't understand how he doesn't miss them - he hasn't seen them in 3 months
That's the WAS for you.
He may miss them. But I still think he is doing this to hurt you because, and let's be honest, it's hurting you, isn't it?
Quote:
When our false recovery failed and I called him up on his lies about his rebound girl he got really angry and said " I hope in a years time you will regret this and you will be really miserable." Is this what this is about - I called him up on his lies and he is punishing me for it?
It could well be.
However, it could equally be that he is guilty and hurting. When we are hurt we lash out at the person closest to us. It's also common for us to blame others for how we feel and 'punish' them for it.
It's all human nature.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
It's the same in my sitch. It DOES hurt me that WAH isn't doing much at all to spend time with the kids. He hasn't asked about Xmas or gifts and right now he is putting me through he!! by cutting off $. He is completely selfish and guilty. Doesn't seem to miss them or care about contacting them.
My buttons are my kids and he is really using it to hurt me.
Once you recognize it, you'll see how it's being used to hurt you. Just try to not let it--or let him see that he's getting to you.
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
Once you recognize it, you'll see how it's being used to hurt you. Just try to not let it--or let him see that he's getting to you.
... and laugh. May seem stupid and silly, but it actually does work. Laugh, smile, grin or snigger, whatever. Just do it.
Laugh because his secret game is busted. You know the games. You know the rules and you choose not to play. If you don't play the game, you can't lose.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
It's the same in my sitch. It DOES hurt me that WAH isn't doing much at all to spend time with the kids. He hasn't asked about Xmas or gifts and right now he is putting me through he!! by cutting off $. He is completely selfish and guilty. Doesn't seem to miss them or care about contacting them.
My buttons are my kids and he is really using it to hurt me.
Once you recognize it, you'll see how it's being used to hurt you. Just try to not let it--or let him see that he's getting to you.
It's the same here - he has not asked which presents I got so he knows what he can get the kids, nothing. It's so incredible selfish.
