CityGirl - No-fault state here...don't know which is worse? LOL.
Kimmie - I know that I am fully entitled to the money as half mine. I am just trying to prevent further complications with him making the move of opening a new account on his own and me not having any access to the marital funds without having to go through the legal system.
And yes, I have been having trouble with thinking that I am an equal partner when it comes to the money stuff. I gave him the power in that regard because that's what he thinks now too. It's "his" money because he makes it and not ours jointly in the marriage. Just another faction and area in where I had lost a large part of my self-respect and self-value in this marriage. Mostly also from guilt that I felt about the debt I had gotten into and my spending habits throughout our marriage as well.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
AFG, you have proven yourself very smart and resourceful. You know your H better than us. In light of the above, it looks like the right way for you.
You're giving him what he wants. He's lazy and gutless. This is why he brought the whore into your house while you were sleeping in the next room. He expects YOU to do the legwork.
I'm sad to see the SOB getting what he wants, and in the easiest, most convenient way for him. He's not as dumb as he looks.
((((AFG)))) Get what you need. I don't have any 2x4's for you, just moral support.
((((((Gno)))))) I hate this too Gno. It makes me crazy that he has done all he has and I still have to be the one to clean up. I just don't think I have the energy, nor the time left to give to MAKE him deal with this. I just want it done and over with now at this point.
Another reason why I wanted him to know that I know his secret. In the past, it has always forced him to come to the real terms of what he has done when he knew that I had found out, and I expected it to be the same now. But, alas, I will subside on that for now on the advice of all you more than generous and kind folks who even care enough about me in the virtual world to help me and walk me through my sitch right now. I appreciate it so very, very much.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
when it comes to the money stuff. I gave him the power in that regard because that's what he thinks now too. you based your M on mutual trust and respect.
Just another faction and area in where I had lost a large part of my self-respect and self-value in this marriage. Unfortunately our most difficult lessons are the ones learned the hard way.
Mostly also from guilt that I felt about the debt I had gotten into and my spending habits throughout our marriage as well. No one is blameless. We only get to see one side of the picture on this forum and rarely get an insight into the other side. I can see you have grown with respect to handling money from your previous responses. When the dust settles take some time reflect on how much you have learned from this traumatic experience and see how you have grown.
For the guilt you need to work on forgiving yourself.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
this isn't going to work because then H knows I myself don't have more money to retain a lawyer if I just used the money for whatever. And then H will be mad about me taking money (regardless, I know by law it doesn't matter, it is 50/50 here), but will go open another bank account and then I will have to go through all legal process of getting his statements and all that mess - it will just drag on and on.
If I tell him right up front it is for legal fees so we can get the divorce, he is not going to object because it is perpetuating the divorce he wants to be done as well. He wants the divorce he just doesn't want to have to do all the stuff involved to get one. He avoids all conflict by nature and would rather bury his head in the sand than go through this stuff.
So I would rather just tell him that it is for legal fees right up front and that it will help in getting this done in the quickest, cheapest way possible.
And I would rather just tell him first before he discovers it so it doesn't look like to him that I was trying to do something to get back at him.
I'm concerned abbout you only taking $1,000 and then hoping your H doesn't stop putting money in the joint account. Sure, he wants the divorce, that doesn't mean he wants any money to go with you. How much money is available in the joint account?
Consider that once he knows you have retained a lawyer, he may still stop putting money in the joint account. Then where are you? $1,000 doesn't go very far in legal proceedings.
Consider taking out half or all of the joint funds now. Depending on how much is there, you could then know that you have enough to live and pay additional legal fees if you and he do not reach an agreement. The funds you take from the joint account, can go towards your share if you do agree.
Don't tell him at all you are taking money. This tells him what you are up to. think of it this way, the element of suprise with look on his face that you have protected yourself. he may not even be paying attention to that account.
he may think he has won a battle but you are going to win the war.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
