Originally Posted By: Gnosis
Originally Posted By: aflowergurlie
Ok, thought about it more - I will hang onto letter and use later if needed.

I'm happy to hear that.

Originally Posted By: aflowergurlie
Dear H –

I have withdrawn $1,000 from the joint checking account for the sole purpose of retaining legal counsel.

I am willing to set up a meeting with you to discuss the terms of our divorce settlement agreement.

Hmm... too business-like and you're still revealing your cards. You don't want him to know you're getting legal advice at the moment.

How about this:

------------
H,

Something important came up this weekend. I needed to take $1000 from the joint account.

I've had some time to think about the recent events and would like to share my thoughts with you. Let's have coffee tomorrow at 12:00 at XXXXX.
------------

Non-confrontational, friendly, calm. Non-business like.

After sending you go: NO CONTACT. Do not reply to his calls, emails, texts etc. You meet him for coffee.

At coffee you tell him:
AFG: I think its time we went our separate ways. I'm sure you do too. <pause and wait for confirmation>
AFG: Good, I'm glad you feel that way (or) I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is what's best for me.
AFG: Let's do this the cheapest, quickest way possible. I'm going to find a lawyer and see which is the best way possible.
AFG: Thanks for listening to me.

Then get up and leave. Do NOT argue or become adversarial.
Ok - but this isn't going to work because then H knows I myself don't have more money to retain a lawyer if I just used the money for whatever. And then H will be mad about me taking money (regardless, I know by law it doesn't matter, it is 50/50 here), but will go open another bank account and then I will have to go through all legal process of getting his statements and all that mess - it will just drag on and on. If I tell him right up front it is for legal fees so we can get the divorce, he is not going to object because it is perpetuating the divorce he wants to be done as well. He wants the divorce he just doesn't want to have to do all the stuff involved to get one. He avoids all conflict by nature and would rather bury his head in the sand than go through this stuff.

So I would rather just tell him that it is for legal fees right up front and that it will help in getting this done in the quickest, cheapest way possible.

And I would rather just tell him first before he discovers it so it doesn't look like to him that I was trying to do something to get back at him.


Me-34 XH-33 No Kids
We were M-12Y T-15Y
5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms
01/10 I filed for D / H moved out
09/16/10 Divorced