WAW Using God

[pigskin]

"I've gotten her to end contact with the OM."

This is where the problem is. She didn't cut it off voluntarily. She did it because you got the person in charge involved. Now see it from her POV. Does it make you seem like a hero or an @$$?

Establishing the boundary means that you set it and then don't actively do anything to make sure she sticks to it. It has to be HER CHOICE. And not because you exposed it to the music director.

Now if you told her that if she continued to see the OM, you would tell his W and everyone else in the church about them, then that's setting a boundary and what you did would have been justified because you established that as your boundary.

I think you took this a bit out of context, stuck. The music director had nothing to do with the no contact agreement; W and I agreed to no contact as a condition of me granting "swap out" privileges on weekends with my W. This Christmas program was a "request for exemption" of no contact, which I denied, and got third party input (music director) to emphasize that it wasn't me being an A$$, that others see it as a bad idea as well.

No contact is her choice or she loses swap out privileges. I guess I'm confused at what some people are saying here. I've set a boundary, I can't force her into any decision. If she makes the decision to contact OM, I enforce the boundary of staying put in our home.