Coping with Bi-Polar WAW

[CountingCrows]

Yep, I know I'll get the chance to speak my mind soon enough.

I've been reading a lot of threads here about exposure of A, and thinking of ways that I could bust W's A. OM recently turned 28yo and lives with his high-school sweetheart in a house that they bought together. The story of their R as presented by OM to my W is that they really don't have much of a R and are living together primarily because of the joint financial obligation. However, I think that OMGF believes that it's more of a R than OM does.

Right after I confronted W about PA with OM, he stopped responding to repeated texts/calls from W. He finally briefly explained his concerns about OMGF and his fears that I could contact her. He told W that OMGF is VERY mentally unstable and he was quite sure that she would attempt suicide. At the time, I had not read DB/DR or this forum (didn't even know they existed). Naively believing the story of unstable OMGF, I promised W that I wouldn't expose A to OMGF. This was SO IGNORANT on my part!

After a few days, W met with OM to let him know that I had no intentions of contacting OMGF, as "we" didn't want to have her "blood on our hands" should she do something drastic. OM explained that W and he could be "only friends", as he was under the false impression that W and I were already separated and he didn't want to break up our family. At the time, I thought that W was being honest with me and I truly believed that she was remorseful for her "single incident of bad judgement" and really wanted me and our M. I realize now that I could have probably busted the A right then, if I hadn't agreed that I wouldn't contact OMGF (hindsight 20/20).

This was early July...the beginning of the time period when W was trying to show me that she wanted to "work things out". She cut off all contact with her other male friends. She stopped going out and running around with her friends and stayed home with me. She only occasionally went over to her girlfriend's house to watch a movie or work on crafts. But at home, she was mentally distant and barely a warm body around the house. She spend most of her time sitting in front of her computer, spending large amounts of money on unneeded things from Ebay. When we did attempt to communicate, it usually ended up in fights with her saying that "I was never going to trust her again". She reminded me that she was here with me, and that was the only thing she could do to prove to me that she was seriously trying to work things out.

Several times post-PA exposure, W mentioned that she had encountered OM. She said she had bumped into him when taking photos at a concert and said she was very uncomfortable and just ignored him. Later, W said that she and a friend (now roommate) had dropped by the gift (head) shop that he worked at a couple of times, as her friend was interested in dating him. W told me that she had to come clean with her friend and let her know he was the OM that she had cheated on me with. W told me that she encouraged her friend to go out with OM and that her friend had gone on some dates and had even had sex with OM. W told me that I knew she wasn't into "sloppy seconds" as a way to deflect any concerns that she was still interested in OM.

W was afraid that OM dating her friend would make me uncomfortable, and worried that I'd ask her to cut off their friendship. I really thought she was being straight with me, and that the R with OM was over. It wasn't until the end of Oct when I found her secret phone that I faced the reality that I had enabled W and OM to continue their R behind my back, and that they had continued to have constant daily text message contact the entire time...from early morning (sometimes while she was still in bed with me) until last thing at night.

Now, I'm seriously doubting my promise to not contact OMGF, as it did seem to affect OM when he thought I would expose A to her. It may be too late in the game to do anything, and breaking my promise to W would likely bring W's wrath upon me. Of course, W will ignore the fact that she broke her promise to me that she was cutting off all contact with OM, yet continued the A.

I don't have any current intel on OM and W's current communications like I did when I was able to capture all the cell phone records. But I do still have records for most of the Summer/Fall, all the way until a few weeks after W moved out. Should I attempt to bust this A by exposing A to OMGF? Should I tell W that I'm going to expose A to OMGF, or just contact OMGF directly and let her know what has been going on? Or is it just too late, since I didn't do this when I had current intel on their contact?

I know that exposure of A to OMW or OMGF is a highly debatable subject here on the forum, but this is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. I don't want to be in LimboLand forever. It seems that W has replaced her "best friend" (me) with OM for most of her ENs (and PNs?), even though she left so that she could "spend time alone to work on herself". I don't feel that she will ever feel the full consequences of her decisions as long as someone else is meeting those needs for her.