Saffie, The Ow would leave her H in a heartbeat and give up her family obligations IF my H would make up his mind. My H is really wishy washy-he has told her several times in the last 2 years he would leave and didnt and now after he moved out he has twice told her (in 3 months) he is in "limbo" and is still making his choice. She figures she has lived 30+ years in her marriage and survived it and can keep going if my H backs out of the A.
You are right, she doesnt want to "rock the boat" and is still tied up with her family--but not because she doesnt want to end her M, but because she is afraid she will end up with nothing--neither my H or her H. My H really is very screwed up puppy right now. He is lying to both of us, seeing both of us except I know it because I check up on him.
At least for me and I assume for you too Saffie, IF I was in love with someone else I would never think of staying with my H just becauses "she has nowhere else to go" and she needs his health insurance (my H doesnt provide health insurance to employees). OF course, I want to believe I would never have an A in the first place.
I am trying to stay positive but oh boy--these last two days have been incredibly hard. After a wonderful Thurs nite/Fri am with me, he went absolutely nuts seeing her as much as he could from the time he left our house Fri noon to even sneaking in more time in the hours before their office Xmas party Sat nite. He will probably watch the football game Sun and MOnd nite with her.
Heres where I get so confused. He arranges to see her about 4 to 1 as compared to seeing me. But, then he says things like: I came over to stay Thurs nite after the businessman's Xmas party because I do want face time with you "I want to get you a Xmas present-- dont you know after last night (ML) I still have strong feelings for you." and he sets up a "date" next Friday for a late lunch after he is getting my car fixed. He said he will think about staying overnight Friday night. On Sat we are going to a party together. I dont know how to interpret these things--I have to ask for crumbs but I do get some when I ask.
The DB C says he doesnt even know how to tell the truth because all his life he has just agreed with people so he doesnt get anyone upset. Is he just unable to tell me he is done so he drags it out? Or is he really still making up his mind? I guess because I still love him so much I will just keep doing what I am doing to make him feel loved and have him see me as calm and fun like her. I cant be demanding because that is what he doesnt want.
Sorry for the long vent. It is so frustrating to have no real answers, to have a H who is appears to "love the one your with" in the words of an old song. I know I could call it quits but I just cant do it--sometimes the last 3 months seems like an eternity and then I remind myself some people have been here for much longer. Why after such a nice time with me does he kick it into overdrive with her?
Saffie you are truly a special person to take time to help someone hurting when you have so much on your plate. I feel like I have nothing to offer anyone on this board as I am so messed up myself. But, you are comforting and a sane voice in this insanity. Thanks again.
