My friend...... I see you type this, but the rest of your post is you doing the opposite.
I'm not trying to give you a hard time here. Sending her emails like this is more of the same.
Yes, it's good to remember positive change is essential in all of this, but also remember her issues go much deeper. This isn't all about you, or what you did or didn't do.
Yes you are changing, be confident in that. You don't need to keep informing her of this. She will notice it in time.
Keep your focus on you and the kids. If I remember correctly your D is old enough to where you should leave it up to your wife mend their relationship.
Right now your wife is in an emotional tornado and with her distorted way of thinking you and your old relationship are the cause. The more you get caught up in it, the more you feed it.
I'm still depressed, don't cry as much, but having a hard time being anywhere close to what I was.
Is it normal for a mlc to talk about and justify the divorce to the kids.
do i really take some of the venom personally?
she's upset that in a text she was just going off and i texted back, least didn't waste 19yrs, she then texted i was the one that threatened divorce, not true.
so does there changing just constantly change to justify what they're doing.
yes sent her all the info like she asked, didn't help, she emailed me to accept blame, i must've listed 100 things about me, tried to take some of the fire away from some of her putdowns by acknowledging names or quirks of mine she hasn't made fun of yet.
ended it with yes you have to have emotional detachment, you have to attack, you have to see me as a demon, you have to hate me for awhile.
she got upset because i turned a couple things on her, used her words vs her, like she texted something that was not anywhere close to what she had texted earlier, so i forwarded that text the new one and "just whichone is it?"
she responded with leave me alone, so i did, but she continued to text for over an hr with all kinds of bs.
responded with kids and i will wait for our wife to show up.
i gave it a good wk like she asked of info and kids begging on emails, they were books, more on my faults and not bashing her.
but since that email, she actually has said hi and called me, i let the call go to voice mail, just texted back k, then after bball game she followed me out she said something i nodded and walked away, she said goodbye to my dad and son, nothing to me of course.
i've admitted or acknowledged everything by this pt.
i am desperate to get some simplace of my old self back, i don't have the fire like i used to guys and i'm scared.
I'm still depressed, don't cry as much, but having a hard time being anywhere close to what I was.
You have some work to do my friend. This is a back and forth type of thing for a while. It takes time. You have to take your focus off of her and place it on yourself and your children.
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Is it normal for a mlc to talk about and justify the divorce to the kids.
Absolutely.
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do i really take some of the venom personally?
Now this is something you CAN control. I wouldn't if I were you. You have to remind yourself that this is not your normal wife. Why buy into this BS? You know better.
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she's upset that in a text she was just going off and i texted back, least didn't waste 19yrs, she then texted i was the one that threatened divorce, not true.
so does there changing just constantly change to justify what they're doing.
They will say and do whatever it take to convince themselves and others that what they are doing is perfectly ok. They are in denial of their issues much like an addict.
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ended it with yes you have to have emotional detachment, you have to attack, you have to see me as a demon, you have to hate me for awhile.
she got upset because i turned a couple things on her, used her words vs her, like she texted something that was not anywhere close to what she had texted earlier, so i forwarded that text the new one and "just whichone is it?"
she responded with leave me alone, so i did, but she continued to text for over an hr with all kinds of bs.
Stop playing her game. This will get you nowhere. The more you go back and forth with her the worse it will get. You are interacting with her like she is normal. Why? Again....you know better.
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i am desperate to get some simplace of my old self back, i don't have the fire like i used to guys and i'm scared.
That's why it's so important for you to realize this MUST BE ABOUT YOU. Get your focus back where it belongs. On you buddy. You are taking the crap she spews to heart.
Why would anyone who is truly happy feel the need to treat others this way? You are giving her way too much power over you. If you are feeling desperate at the moment chances are she sees it too.
It's like you're forgetting what this is all about.
Time to start moving forward again AYK. You can do this.
She and I talked for a couple hours the other night, not all bad either, she said she couldn't pin point when she got so angry and had something good to say about me.
She stood me up, we talked on phone, said hey got stuff for you and can pin point when it turned 6/16 2 wks after gpa died, well there it came, mean she just flat unloaded...
i finally had enough said all i'm trying to do is help you, take it all man, it's all yours, given you everything...
told her the truth yes i'm stalling, she's said she's gonna see the shrink so can at least parent together.
told her no joke, she's going to see a man she's got no choice to look back on. so watch close, didn't know a man wanted a change more than she did.
she is frustrated not taking anything from house, between us, i'm keeping my word, and i'll come out same way came in, with nothing. she said u won't let me do nothin' for you,y said exactly, don't.
told her wasn't going to miss an opportunity to tell her i loved her xmas, so i told her, said merry xmas twice she didn't wish me the same. oh well
she said my parents all called to wich merry xmas, but didn't tgiving, said well least my parents called you, ur parents have cut me off, so tell them hi when you see them.
she and d came over were surprised i was listening to rap.told 'em expanding horizons, besides, i'm tryin' to get my old self back in some areas.
have a list of goals, made it thru xmas w/o my family.
so much to tell, but today is day 2 of my goals for myself.
would it be correct to say, no one gets better until i do?
would it be correct to say, no one gets better until i do?
YES! Reread HB 6 stages you are going thru your own MLC and you must lead the way to recovery. A few posts back you say that you are depressed. Have you thought about IC or getting on AD's. This has helped me out a lot. I just read though your sich fast but how come you are not listening to trapt? He is giving you great advice. Too much talk with your W. You are pushing her away. Is that what you want?
You have to remind yourself that this is not your normal wife. Why buy into this BS? You know better.