libby, I would have a nice chat w/him and suggest that rather than advising the children he "might" do this or he "might" come this day, he let you know what his schedule looks like so that you can ensure that the children are there. This changing of the plans is very difficult and confusing on the children. At least by working w/you, your children will not be disappointed over and over again. There has to be some stability in the mix for the children.
Your h is being controlled by a woman who wants to see him dance all over the place and destroy his connection w/his old life. Then again, he's not sure which end is up either. The confusion, etc. in his life is creating the ping pong effect.
Set the boundaries for what you would like to have for your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
