I think you need to talk to your lawyer to see where you stand financially and how to protect yourself from W. Do not underestimate what she is capable of trying.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Quick question to all that came up for me when I was reading another thread:
I've been holding back on doing two things since I found out about this affair three months ago:
1. exposing it to my wife's work (her boss, and her dbag lover's boss)
2. exposing it (or simply announcing it) to her dbag's wife
I've held off because I'm not completely certain that either are the best thing to do. However, when I read Puppy's posts (and story) I feel an urge to do that also.
How would you recommend I differentiate between knowing if and when to do it? Part of me wants to (it will certainly cause problems, and allow my wife to cast me as the a-hole and vengeful husband, could push her away permanently?) and part of me doesn't obviously, since I haven't. It just feels like it's nagging at me. Goes away, then pops up. And tonight (tomorrow may be different) it is annoying me.
The current thinking here is to expose to the OP's spouse. They have a right to know since they are directly involved. Wouldn't you want to know? Plus how attractive is your wife when this guy is getting drummed at home by his wife about her? She is now a liability - financially, domestically, professionally, and time-wise. Work doesn't have a right to know but it is a consideration. If you divorce it will come out at their employer or you can at least they make sure they know at that point.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thanks Coach. Dbag is separated from his wife, and they are headed towards divorce. you still think she would want to know? Or that it would matter? She's not even in their house anymore.
I don't think I'd expose to wife's work AFTER a divorce. I feel like the reason to do it prior to that is to accelerate the discomfort they both feel, and the natural consequences (both may get fired). I'm just worried about giving my wife ANYthing to lean on as an excuse to go full steam ahead. As it is now, I've "lovingly" detached. She can't say anything bad about me. Who knows.
Given the situation, with OM's own imminent divorce, maybe it is irrelevant, but don't let your WAW's potential $h!t storm deter you from doing the right thing.
In my case, OM had everything to lose and while exposure hastened my W's decision to file it killed the EA dead in its tracks one OM understood what was at stake. My W was/is in a such a fog that she basically viewed me as concentrated evil afterward.
CABBR
M:49, W:47 M:22,T:23 S9, S6 W probable MLC Bomb: 4/09 In-house separation and Separate bedrooms since 4/09 EA busted: 7/09 W filed: 7/09 Kids unaware of D filing
I was in the military and saw them turn a blind eye to adultery even to the detriment of morale in the unit. I don't think it's a given they will get fired.
Think thru that before you do it. Make sure it fits your values and beliefs. She can do whatever she wants regardless of what you do. She's feeling more pressure and watching you more than you know.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thanks for sharing that story, CABBR. Appreciate it.
Originally Posted By: Coach
. She's feeling more pressure and watching you more than you know.
Coach, what did you mean by that? It stopped me in my tracks.
Norse
Regardless of whether she comes around in time to save the M or not - your actions, your disposition, your strength and honor become a part of the record of events. She SEES you and notices how you are handling yourself.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Unless your wife is amoral she "knows" she is doing wrong. The internal conflict is there hence the "fog" and "script," those are coping mechanisms. She might not ever admit her wrongdoing ever. But she feels it - pressure.
She is watching to see how you act towards her. How you take care of yourself.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thank you Greek, and Coach. Makes sense. Hadn't thought of it that way. I'd been thinking about it in an antagonistic way. I'm going to work harder at seeing it this way.
UPDATE: I'm meeting her at Church today (I gave her a day with the boys yesterday) and then taking the boys home with me.
