Think OW is here in my house right now!

[aflowergurlie]

Ok, so didn't send the email, but rather the following letter has been typed, printed, and taped to a kitchen cabinet for H to receive when he returns home.

--------------------------
Dear H –

I hope that you and (OW's real name) a.k.a. (OW's escort name) had a great time on your trip in (city), North Carolina. I wanted to let you know of a few things that I’ve been informed of while you were away;

1) In the eyes of the law, it can be considered a squandering of marital assets when a spouse uses any funds for, with, or given to any third party outside the marriage. A case for retribution of said funds to the innocent party, outside of any alimony awardment, may be made during divorce proceedings, especially if illegal and unlawful activities have been involved. A totaling of almost $10,000 has been accounted for thus far in the use for your activities of adultery during these past several months. In light of this finding, I have withdrawn $1,000 from the joint checking account for the sole purposes of retaining legal counsel.

2) Additionally, neither party of a marriage can forcibly evict the other party out of their home. (This is fortunate for you, because a moving truck would have relocated your personal belongings to (OW's real name/OW’s escort name) apartment in (city) already, although I’m sure you would’ve been more comfortable there anyhow and she wouldn’t mind taking you in while we go through this process.) Neither can the primary supporter of the family withdrawal their financial support to the other party of the marriage. In cases where one does withdrawal financial support, the divorce paperwork may be filed and an immediate temporary financial need injunction may be issued.

3) It would also be prudent, cost-wise and time-wise, for us to come to a settlement agreement outside of litigation on the division of our assets, debts, physical property, alimony terms, and any other items. I am willing to set up a meeting with you soon to discuss the terms of the agreement.

Enjoy the rest of your day –
AFG
------------------------------------

I withdrew the money last night.