One day at a time....

[Hope4us]

You're not alone Rocked, I'm still dealing with a lot of anger and other emotions. Right now I'm chalking it up to the anniversaries: the bomb, separating, holidays apart, etc. But I know it's more than that.

I still have moments when I regret never having slapped BF's face REALLY hard and I want to do it so badly just to get it out of my system. But I can't because that time has passed.

I'm jealous of how H4U's W really seems to get it and is open to talking about things. BF still runs in the other direction at any mention of infidelity and that bothers me. But I know that it's only been seven months of piecing so I have a long way to go.

Pearl, I am right there with you. There are so many times I've wanted to grab W and scream at her "what the F were you thinking?" But I know she wasn't thinking and OM was a pro and she fell for it. Don't get me wrong, I KNOW W was an active participant and she knew within ONE FREAKING WEEK of meeting OM that he was a player and was always looking for his next score and she fell for it anyway, because he was different and loved her. Makes me want to puke just writing it.

I wanted to reply to what you said above about being jealous because my W is open to talking about things. She is, but it's not like she enjoys it and when we do talk about it, I know it pains her terribly. But she will talk. I try to only bring it up every so often and to keep the conversations somewhat short. Don't want to overwhelm her and don't want too much info for me that I can't process it.

And I think your BF will get better. It took my W over a year before she's really talk to me about any of it. Prior to that, she was just like your BF, would run from, deflect, ignore any conversation concerning her A or one from anyone else for that matter.

One thing I did when she was in that 'I don't want to talk about it period' is I would wait for opportunities where infidelity was brought up (on t.v., co workers, etc) and I'd just throw out what Puppy likes to call "truth darts", and then I'd drop it. Not so much aimed at her, but at infidelity in general. Like when the Golfer Greg Norman separated from Chris Evert after their affairage had lasted a grand total of 8 months or so I said "did they really think it was going to last? Something that starts like that doesn't have much of a chance". And then I'd drop it. If she wanted to talk a little about it, I would listen and let her drive how much of a conversation it was. That seemed to give her the chance to determine when she was ready to talk about this stuff, at least in the early going.

Hope this helps.