She must be seeing a lawyer...what now?

[Awoken]

Sandi:

Thanks again for reply; I've read it through many times over and it's really sinking in.

I did feel relieved after our D talk, but I was unsettled at the same time. I don't want to be her best friend and not her husband.
Almost everything she says to me now is lies, and I don't really think she wants me as a best friend anyway. I'll admit that even as she was hugging me, I felt a little manipulated.

This past week, I've become more well...disappointed or disgusted with the history of our M, including my role in it.
Its hard to admit, but there may have been more sad times than good over the past 16 years. Our sex life was fantastic during courtship, but after D was born, things changed dramatically. It's been a sex-starved M, with brief intervals that gave me hope. W has blamed the problems on her bipolar and the meds, but now says it was all me. I see now how this is directly connected with her emotional detachment over the years as well. I've been pursing her for so long. It's starting to feel like the past 16 years has been a big charade.

Maybe I can be the be the sexy, confident man that first attracted her, but I still need to be that man for myself regardless of her reaction. I think that is what I've been trying to do, but I've been bouncing back and forth between hostile detachment, and being her friend. It's been tough since there has been a need for some interaction that I would rather avoid all together.

Tomorrow she wants to meet to go over our finances. Bills are due, and I separated my bank accounts so we need to work something out. I'm thinking maybe I should tell her to just do it via email, except I would like to see the bills myself and not just take her word.