Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

Hey Chel,
Been thinking about you alot and hoping you were doing OK! It would be lovely to share a bottle of wine and MLC crazy stories, hopes and dreams of the future...When you're in CO let me know and we'll find a way to get together.

Interesting that your H is reaching out for you on his crazy Canadian dream..Like he wants yor approval and support? It is a balance for us, isn't it?

I'm re-reading "How to improve your marriage without talking about it"..I think Grace recommended it as did my last DB counselor. About the differences in men/women's fears/vulnerabilities/communication..great stuff.

Sadly I just read the list of how women inadvertantly shame men and I was guilty of several things. Much more for me to work on...

H called and stopped over today and stayed for several hours, hanging out with the girls, even vacuuming (on his own) the fireplace! I offered him lunch. I shared my wacky idea about how getting divorced is one of the hardest things a couple does(I think losing a child would be the hardest), and how if we could get through this D process without hating each other or having a major blowup then maybe there is something strong here and salvageable...I know...pipedreaming...rationalizing...

H stuck out his hand to shake on not hating or having blowups through this process. He seems really set on a D when he talks about it, but doesn't seem in a hurry to move stuff out or gather info for the lawyer(although he had already contacted our life insurance agent for info)...He gets touchy if I say "come on over, help yourself to..whatever..when he wants something. He said "thanks for giving me permission to get my stuff from OUR house"..

Part of the time I am calm when thinking about being divorced from H and part of the time I'm a trembling, emotional basketcase. I think the effects of the girls is the hardest thing for me to witness.