Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

H came over today. He bought me a little gift on his way over which was thoughtful. It was some lingerie. Like I said, we are still imtimate, which I'm still not sure if that is good or bad given that he still doesn't see me in his future, but on the other hand, we have made a lot a progress from 6 months ago (not as much as I would like, but still progress is progress). So, not sure when we will ever have time to use the lingerie, but it was still nice that he even thought of getting me a little something just because.

So, even more exciting to me was that he showed me his results notebook that included his scans. It was pretty crazy. You could actually see the dips in his brain form from the depression and ADD. Then there was this one big hole in the middle that was from the alcohol use (unfortunately, H was like, wow, that's not as bad as I thought it would be - only 1 hole. Yeah, 1 hole to many if you ask me!) On the activity scan, it was pretty crazy too. Very little activity in the front of his brain where his judgement is controlled and super active right in the center where is anger and agression is controlled. He says the doctors are very hopeful that curing the sleep issues should help allieviate alot of the issues he is facing. Even though at this point, he doesn't seem willing to change his current life style, I'm hoping that as time goes on and he starts to recover, he won't 'need' alcohol to deal with life. It's still a big gamble and some of his comments were a little discouraging, I just have to remember that this is just the beginning of it and that it will take take for things to change. The sleep dr said it could take 6 months to a year. Wow! I think I need some hope for us from H if I am expected to get thru another year!

Thanks Awest for sharing about your grandpa. I read your response right before he came over and it allowed me to be supportive with the steps he is making. Instead of trying to push meds (which would be counterproductive of me), I encouraged him in his new ventures to eat better, exercise and try the supplements.

So I leafed thru the part he didn't want me to read in the front regarding his discussions during the background. A few things I caught was that he specifically said was that he feels guilty about not seeing S enough but enjoys the time that he does have with him, that the future looks bleak to him and that he can only see everything as negative, that he tends to hold grudges particularly against me, that his life stresses stem solely from me and his work situation, and basically some other negative references to me which I can't specifically remember right now. It's still a little hurtful that after everything I've done to fight for him and our M that he still has those feelings against me, but I just need to remember too that it's the depression speaking. We had a great day though, so I know he's not always negative towards me. Like I said he bought me the gift, we shared lunch together, I helped him with his laundry and he looked at me and with meaning said "thank you". It was genuiene and it was nice. One of my complaints in our M was that he never appreciated me, so it was nice of him to recongize my help today. He took a nap today top (OMG, him and his sleep habits. Can't wait til that gets resolved) and he said thank you too for letting him sleep. Oh, he also mentioned yesterday again that he thought I should get my brain scan. I hope he means for the sake of figuring out my issues so we can on us, but I think I'm hoping for a little too much there. haha. At this point, he definitely still has too much resentment to see me in his future but I hope that can be worked out for himself as he works thru these other issues. So much hope, but so much to overcome still...