Talked on the phone to Cartoons/Artist (C/A)today, he called and we made general plans to meet tomorrow. I was supposed to call him back later, so I did this evening. We are going to meet for lunch at a large outdoor shopping center in West Omaha. Lots of stores they don't have over on my side of the river, nice restaurants, coffee shops, etc. Plan to walk around and talk and just see what's out there. He lives in Lincoln, an hour away from me, so we are trying to meet somewhere in between...
It was kind of awkward b/c Dan was at the house at lunchtime when C/A called. He came over this morning and we took the kids sledding. We were supposed to review a few last-minute details this afternoon prior to me drafting the settlement on Tuesday. So I talked to C/A for about 15 minutes while Dan was with the kids.
This evening Dan came back over and we took the kids to see Santa. I know it won't always be this way (us doing stuff together) but I am choosing to do it this year, to give our kids one more good Christmas as they would like it to be. Mostly, anyway. I won't be going to SILs for Christmas Eve this year, but I will have the kids Christmas morning.They will come back to my house late Christmas Eve night so they can wake up in their own beds to see what Santa brought them.
With the settlement coming up in a couple days, I am feeling some mixed emotions. Of course there is sadness regret that my kids won't wind up with the intact, original family, as I always wanted them to. But there is also the realization that I did everything to the best of my ability to restore our marriage, but it ultimately wasn't a decision I could make without Dan's effort and interest.
So I am sad for them but also cautiously optimistic for the future. I know that I will ultimately be in a loving relationship again because that is what I am wired for. I don't know if that holds true for Dan. I can picture him being in relationships, but I can't really picture him being happily married again where I know that one day, I will be...
Oh and CMF texted at 6:15 telling me to come out to his show tonight at an area bar and bring my friends. We talked about this show last night, and generally I get the vibe he really wants to network and drum up audiences. I don't blame him. But I really don't see this as an opportunity for a relationship. So I am going to treat him as an old friend, and act accordingly.
OK time to fold laundry so I have something to wear to lunch tomorrow!
