Question

[Lucky11too]

I totally feel for you. You just want to do the right thing, but it's really hard to know what the right thing is. You want H to be able to see that you are a good and loving W and worth the 'sacrafice' of losing these OW's, but you don't want to be his doormat either. The fact that he's focusing on the family part of you guys isn't the worst thing in the world b/c with the strain you've had in your M, growth and healing has to start somewhere. Obviously I don't know your complete history, but it does seem like H is taking the steps toward you, but at some point he has to let go of all OW's. It's really hard to know who's getting played here - you, them, or all 3 of you. I agree with CTH that H can't continue to have his cake and eat it to with all 3 of you, but it's also all about timing. I think it's fair of you to have the experience of the anniversary together and going to church. I truly believe that God does work miracles - I know it's not always in our time or in the way we would have it though, but God's there. I know you just want to do the right thing and stand for your marriage and that takes a lot of strength to even do that. But like you're saying, just get thru these events, enjoy them, and then elevaluate them. Hopefully you'll have a more clear direction after this coming weekend. If what you are doing is working keep with it, but if not, you may have to try something different and paly a little more hardball (not being cold or harsh - but just being realistic and straight forward with him). And unfortuately, it you stand up for yourself and he choses OW, then you have your answer. I know the Bible talks about about the Christian spouse should not divorce the unbelieving spouse (which could be argued since H's actions are not how a believer would act) b/c thru you, you can bring spouse back to the family and Christ. But that if that unbelieving spouse does not want to stay, then you are free to move forward. I know it not what you or I want for either of our situations, but unfortunately we cannot control our H's, and if they don't want to stay, we don't have control over that. I just don't want you to feel like a failure if he does chose OW. You have and are continuing to do everything you can to save your marriage and that's very admirable. Keep going strong and I continue to pray for the best.