hoping for better times to come

[CABBR]

Yes, Maplegal is in that limbo land where nothing has been filed and no order is in place. Saying that she will not live with OW in her marriage and taking the steps necessary to achieve it will bring a healthy does of consequences to MG's H.

Boxing up his stuff and placing on the lawn sends a clear message as well.

CABBR

[maple]

I'm thinking that eventually, he'll realize that it's just easier to move out, what with all of his stuff keeps getting boxed up and put out on the lawn and all . .

If you put a big fire pit in the middle of the lawn, those boxes would be a great addition.....LOL

R2C - like the fire pit idea. you think like my GF, she said the same thing today when I called her freaking out (will explain next...)

[maple]

H has been very busy this morning when I was out with kids.

1. Looked at my bank statements and left them out (he has always been free to view them but has never shown interest until now)

2. DR book was laying out on bed – usually I have my books all piled up under the kleenex box in the corner of the bed against wall

3. Deleted emails out of my account (the incriminating ones I forwarded to myself from his hotmail account)

4. Deleted password protected word document that I used partly as a journal

5. Located ALL MY HARD COPIES of intel from 2 locations. Have to admit they were not really hidden as well as I could have.
Man, was I naive! Should have taped them to the back of a picture on the wall or something.
And it included letters/emails from our break up in 2001.

Luckily, I had made some screenprints of my previously discovered intel and saved them in an inconspicious folder on my computer. Promptly, emailed them to my GF who knows everything so she has a copy. Then I logged on to my internet service providers website and was still able to access those emails from there. So again, emailed to GF and to myself. Put them in another email folder that is not high vis but easily accesible until I can print them again. I don't have all my evidence back but I do have some.

I was livid when I realized he had my hard copies. I am glad he was not home. I still have not confronted him about it. Not sure if I should or not? What would be the point? I think I like the idea that he feels like he is safer now that he has “cleaned up house”.

So he must know how I found out now and he knows what I know.

I think I need to prepare for cat5 sh!tstorm tomorrow night.
He was talking to his sister and I hear him oversay “It will be settled by tomorrow night.”

He asked DDs to go out for dinner with him tonight. DD4 said she rather have take out.
So he picks up something, sets the table (even a spot for me), gets the kids food out, and cleans up. WTF? Why did he never do that BEFORE not that it really matters now?

I am freaking about tomorrow as I don't know what to expect.

[pearlharbr]

Deep breaths Maple. I'm hoping Puppy stops by tomorrow since he is the go-to guy for logistics.

My first instinct is to lay low and see what's on his agenda. Just prepare yourself to be calm and non-reactive. Practice your validating statements and be prepared to leave the situation if it gets ugly or if you feel like you're about to lose your cool.

Did you settle on an attorney? If not, get some names and leave vms asking for appointments Monday morning. If there's anyway to get H and the girls out of the house tomorrow (breakfast?) use the time to do your own digging.

FWIW, I'm all for boxing all his stuff up and putting it out of the house. I'm not sure of the legalities but as long as he isn't either, he'll either go with it or at the very least have the hassle of bringing it back inside. And if you think it's necessary, put a lock on your bedroom door.

I put BF out of our house. I simply packed him a bag, took his housekey when he was in the bathroom, then announced that I wanted him out. I'm sure that I had no legal ground to do so since the house is in both of our names but it wasn't a request and he damn well knew he deserved it so he just left. Your H seems like he may not have the decency to feel guilty but you can certainly try it.

[Lotus]

Maple Gal,

Are you at all worried about your safety? He sounds pretty angry to me, and like he is more interested in destroying evidence than owning up to his actions. What about having a third party observer on the conversation? Or some other protection for your safety?

[maple]

I have not contacted any lawyers yet but after this afternoon I was thinking I probably should have. I am still shocked and can't believe that I am in this situation. This really really sucks!!!!
Don't think I will have time to myself tomorrow to call around and there will be no way I will be able to make any appts for Mon. DD4's xmas concert, parents coming over and afternoon specialist appt I have been waiting to see for months.

I really hope it does not get nasty sunday.
Depending on what he says, and if I need to diffuse the situation, I was going to suggest we should consider setting up a separation agreement and that we both take a few days to decide what we want ie. custody/division of property/etc... and then we can go from there.

[maple]

Maple Gal,

Are you at all worried about your safety? He sounds pretty angry to me, and like he is more interested in destroying evidence than owning up to his actions. What about having a third party observer on the conversation? Or some other protection for your safety?

Never say never but I really don't think I am in any physical danger.
But H is very vindictive and I am afraid of what he may be planning. He likes getting revenge on people who cross him.

[givingitmyall]

Maple Gal,

Are you at all worried about your safety? He sounds pretty angry to me, and like he is more interested in destroying evidence than owning up to his actions. What about having a third party observer on the conversation? Or some other protection for your safety?

Never say never but I really don't think I am in any physical danger.
But H is very vindictive and I am afraid of what he may be planning. He likes getting revenge on people who cross him.

Then it would not surprise me if he tries to convince you you are crazy/don't really know what's going on/you're just wrong. Don't budge. He will test you at your weak points, and if you show him any, he will try to exploit it.

Will keep you in my prayers.

[maple]

H is outside playing with the girls.
I went downstairs and saw a note he was writing to me...
quickly read it and looks like he is trying to justify his actions. Saying how I was not available to him, how he was depressed, cried himself to sleep....I am being difficult in refusing to talk to him. Mentions selling the house, me finding work, etc...
And lastly, he will not move out of the house.

It has been a very weird day. A few weeks ago, I would have thought this a perfect Sunday and would have been very optimistic. H walked dog while I took girls grocery shopping. I made lunch for girls and me, and H then came upstairs made his own and sat with us without us inviting him. He cleaned up all the dishes. And now he is playing in the snow with the girls.
A 'normal' Sunday would consist of him watching football/glued in front of computer without a thought of us.

At this point, I just want to tell him that we should think about getting a separation agreement in place.

I am having a hard time putting up a brave front today - already broke down a couple of times and had to leave the room as H was there.

[pearlharbr]

Maple, hang in there. I know it's tough but I also know that you can handle it.

Make the time to call lawyers tomorrow morning. It is imperative that you get someone lined up. Don't agree to anything without running it by a L first. Then go to your specialist appt. Remember, you have to take care of yourself first otherwise you won't be any good for your kids.