You won't always feel this way. They say time heals all wounds for a reason. I feel just like you do some days, but then I think to myself...I am better than this.
I haven't spoken to directly to H since Friday. And even then it was just to ask if I could take the kids to church with me on Sunday. He said no, reasoning that his folks will be in town for a short time on Sunday and wanted to see the kids. I said okay.
His parents did stop by to see me for a few minutes on their way through town. Brought a couple of Christmas gifts for me. It was a nice gesture on their part. Although I have to admit, it was all rather awkward.
So I have been thinking about this for awhile now and am not quite sure what to do. Any and all opinions and advice are welcome. In past years, we (H and I) would gather the kids around the Christmas tree and take a pic for our Christmas greeting cards. It has always been just a pic of the kids and dog and usually signed as the (insert last name hear)'s. So what do I do this year?
a) Do not send any cards out this year. b) Send a greeting card with a pic of the kids. c) Send a greeting card with a pic of me and the kids.
If I send out the cards, how should the cards be signed? Same as last year?
In the past, we would send out the cards to his friends, my friends, mutual friends, his family, and my family. Who should I send them to this year?
Should I tell H that I am doing this before I mail them out?
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
This morning school was canceled due to the weather conditions. I made other arrangements for the kids so I could go into work. When I got to work I emailed H to let him know where the kids are at for the day. This email was necessary because it is H’s night to pick up and spend time with the kids. H responds, with “Yes, I know. I called, the backup daycare provider, to see if she had them.” He could have just as easily called me for the info but once again he chose not to initiate any contact with me.
It hurts. I am sad today. Oh, when is my heart going to catch up with my brain?
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
I just read your thread. Congratulations on the progress you've had so far. You are doing a lot, PLUS raising three small ones.
Your H sure has his head buried. He seems to not waiver. Mine was where yours is, but never moved out, or really talked D. But, he was NOT giving me any indications of even liking me for a long time. But, thanks to DB, and the concepts, we're getting there. He's as slow as they come, but we do enjoy each other now.
Just wanted to offer some support. I'm a mom of 3, too!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I have been wondering what to do about the whole Christmas cards thing. I have finally decided just to send out a picture of the children alone. And i am still going to sign them, "Love, the __________'s." As that is who we are....just an opinion...hope it helps!
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
So I have been thinking about this for awhile now and am not quite sure what to do. Any and all opinions and advice are welcome. In past years, we (H and I) would gather the kids around the Christmas tree and take a pic for our Christmas greeting cards. It has always been just a pic of the kids and dog and usually signed as the (insert last name hear)'s. So what do I do this year?
a) Do not send any cards out this year. b) Send a greeting card with a pic of the kids. c) Send a greeting card with a pic of me and the kids. d) Same as previous years:kids and dog
If I send out the cards, how should the cards be signed? Same as last year? Yep. "usually signed as the (insert last name hear)'s"
In the past, we would send out the cards to his friends, my friends, mutual friends, his family, and my family. Who should I send them to this year? Consider you sending them to your friends and relatives, etc. and giving H his own supply to send to his.
Should I tell H that I am doing this before I mail them out? If you agree with my suggestions or something similar, sure, tell him what you're doing first. What/if he does with his supply re: his family, friends, co-workers, etc. is up to him. He's a big boy. Don't be his Christmas Card Mama this year. Buying him his own supply is generous and magnanimous enough, imho
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Last year, the first year we were separated I skipped cards all together because we had always listed all out names. This year (yes, this has been going on a year and a half) I am going to do a pic of my son and dogs and just sign with The _______'s. I agree that is who we are whether he is a part of it or not. I tend to do to much to make it easy on him, and I would guess you are the same. It's hard to stop helping and doing for someone when that is the way it has always been. But, they wont ever realize what they are loosing if you keep doing it. I would take the pic let him know and he can get his own pic if he want's or you can share the image but let him order his own. I personally will send card out to his family because they are my family too and I think I talk to them more than he does. And, they will send cards to me, not him.
Thanks for the Christmas card input. I actually just finished taking several good shots of the kids in front of the Christmas tree. It wasn't easy, but I finally got a pic of all three of them looking at the camera at the same time. Not all of them are smiling, but oh well.
CP, I feel the same as you do. His family is my family too. So I have decided to send out the pics to my family, his immediate family, and my friends. H can do the work if he wants something sent to anyone else.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
m03. Despite my advice/agreement with you re: Christmas cards, this year I am sending none. Those few who know my sitch completely will understand and I will be paying them visits Christmas week or between Christmas and New Year's, but my D is 9:00 December 23 and I don't give a rat's patootie about sendingh obligatory cards at such a heart-wrenching - though strangely peaceful and welcomed - ending. Not the ending I wanted for 13 months, but the ending I so look forward to now. It ends. Finally
December 23 is Limbo's last day and the end of the absolute worst, sense-less false-hope-jerked-around year of my life. Next year won't just happen to be a better/the best year; I am going to do all in my power to make it so on a day-by-day, hour-by hour basis. STBXW was always big on the Chinese year-of-the-whatever cycle (rat, pig, dog, ferret, whatever), putting out the appropriate figurine for the yesr. 2010 will be the (first-ever) Year of the Gardener. It is going to be an adventurous, exploring, re-discovering self-centered 180-GAL year of me. How did I wind up here, from commenting about Christmas Cards? Gardener's off on one of his free-association rambling tears again. I have come to the point of so wanting to be done with her. Okay, I'll stop, now...No, I won't.
Maybe for Christmas I'll get her vow-breaking, duplicitous, coldly calculating selfish-it's-all-about-me self a nice large handbasket that she can comfortably go straight to hell in. Mean, selfish, vindictive, totally-victimized innocent, blameless demonizing biych. Okay, I feel better now.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
