yeah I think my marriage is truly over :(- I texted WH today to see how we work out X-Mas and he texted that he will be in Ireland only late 23rd until 27th afternoon and that he will spend X-Mas morning in his parents house instead of seeing his kids - he will come by in the afternoon.I suppose if he can't even bring himself to spend X-Mas morning here with his kids I'd say there is no hope for our marriage anymore.
I texted WH today to see how we work out X-Mas and he texted that he will be in Ireland only late 23rd until 27th afternoon and that he will spend X-Mas morning in his parents house instead of seeing his kids - he will come by in the afternoon.I suppose if he can't even bring himself to spend X-Mas morning here with his kids I'd say there is no hope for our marriage anymore.
You have two options as far as I can see it:
1. Ask him why he isn't spending xmas morning with the kids.
2. Say, 'thats fine' and be cool about it. Then when he comes around show him all the photos you took of the kids opening their presents to show him what he missed.
Bear in mind HE will miss those things because of HIS decision. You can't make him come over. His children, and his guilt will do a much better job on his conscience than you ever will.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
P17, you would be proud of me. i have sent him the following reply: " that's good so. We won't be here anyway x-mas eve.If you want to take them Stephens Day I have no problem as I am planning to go out."
He replied: "Great"
I will not show him how much we are hurt, ever again.
Oh and he sent another text half an hour later which I found interesting"hey, be careful of spending as my phone bill is $730 for 2 months as only paid the tax last time and I will need flights."
That's $2600 since October - that's the amount which should have gone into the mortgage I believe. I am just shaking my head typing this.
P17, you would be proud of me. i have sent him the following reply: " that's good so. We won't be here anyway x-mas eve.If you want to take them Stephens Day I have no problem as I am planning to go out."
I would have sent the text like this (and I'm not great about these so forgive me):
"Okay."
I would have left the rest out. If you had to have him babysit on Stephens Day then I would have asked him. By the sounds of things you didn't need him though.
Don't tell him anything you are doing. I know it's very tempting to do so, and we've all done it. The imagination does a much better job of you GALing than you will.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
good job with your reply bestrong! Can I tell you that my immediate thought when I read your WH wouldn't be home between 23-27th was that it had to do with finances. I bet airfare is really expensive on those dates! Cheap *&^%$#!
do you think that could make sense?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
newmama, sorry it's probably a little confusing - he will be home between the 23rd and the 27th only - I don't mind thas as he probably can't take more time off - but here is the big but: He can't even spend X-Mas morning with his kids??? I am disgusted to say the least.He will drop in the afternoon - how kind WTF!!!!!
You know what I think when I read these text messages - that he is punishing me because of the mortgage fight - maybe I am paranoid but that's what I am reading.
I was thinking it was good to let him know that I was planning to go out - how else will he know?
If there is no way he will find out other than telling him (ie. he won't see you dressed up or people won't tell him) then make it subtle. For example, ask him if he can babysit on Stephen's Day. When he asks why, you just need to tell him you've got to go out and leave it at that.
Imagination. Let it do the work for you.
Originally Posted By: bestraongforyoi
You know what I think when I read these text messages - that he is punishing me because of the mortgage fight - maybe I am paranoid but that's what I am reading.
He can only 'punish. you if you play the game and let him. Don't play the game. Remember this is one of the few ways he can wrench back control of the sitch (however nasty it seems to be he is using it).
Last edited by P17; 12/13/0902:25 PM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
Why wouldn't he want to see the kids? Why punish the kids? How will they feel? I don't get it.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I would have left the rest out. If you had to have him babysit on Stephens Day then I would have asked him. By the sounds of things you didn't need him though.