New to this Community seeking advice

[JR09]

More reflection...

I thought about the phone call from my W a couple of days ago. It dawned on me that she is the one who brought up the R talk. She said among other things: "sign the divorce papers, in my mind I am already divorced, I'm going to refile after the holidays, I'm not coming back...".

Yet, through all this, she listened to me and our conversation actually ended in a decent way. I never escalated my tone of voice, and kept it really calm. I wonder why is there a need to hold on to all this anger and hurt after 18 months of separation? If my W is truly bent on ending it, why not just do it? I figure if one is to end it, they probably must feel at peace already with the decision...hence no need to spew more venom, pain, hurt, and anger over the phone after 18 months away from me.

BTW, her nephew stopped by my parents'home in Europe and had lunch with them. My W asked me for that favor a few days ago to see if her nephew could stay w/ my parents while visiting Europe. He did actually stop by, and will again tomorrow! I'm sure he'll tell her and her family how it was. My mother sure enjoyed having him over...

Anyway. could it be that my W was testing me once again with all her venom talk to see if I would react to it and lash back at her? Who knows. I'm glad I kept it composed. I know I did well. I know my changes are permanent. I am glad.

JR