You are living in the apartment away from your family because you agreed to it. You are OK with someone else, music director, enforcing a boundary for you but you won't stand up for yourself. You seem to hide behind rules - "I'm Catholic so I don't believe in divorce"(I'm Catholic BTW). You say "oh well. strength and honor." Ever notice how every one capitalizes "Strength and Honor"? Oh well, Amen... Oh well, I pledge Allegiance to the flag of... You lack conviction, confidence and belief.
You have given your wife what you thinks she wants and played the nice guy. It hasn't worked. If your really love your wife and want your family then you need to think, pray and get busy. The answers are here. ASK - Ask, seek and knock. You are afraid to knock on the door to see what's behind it.
The music director was a means of getting her to see the view of a third party from her church. I knew he would see things the way I did or I wouldn't have proposed his "arbitration". He did not enforce the boundary. Had she chosen to play in the concert, I would not be swapping out with her.
I've gotten her to end contact with the OM. This was a condition of my agreement with her. That was Priority One, and now its done. Next is her dealing with her own demons. She is convinced the living arrangement is the only way to do that. With no OM contact, I am fine with it. It doesn't mean I like it. But refusing to do so would keep me in limbo. This moves us forward.
Getting her to quit the concert was a big deal. She was dead set on playing. I stood my ground and did not listen to any of her justifications or excuses on why she had to be there, she committed to this, can't let them down, etc. etc. She was like a chastened teenager when I told her she couldn't play. But didn't argue - she respected my enforcing the boundary.
If it sounded like I was whining, it wasn't my intent. Sometimes you just need to b*tch.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
