Im done with that Puppy. Im so livid. I could care less right now. Im just more hurt and saddened by the fear and pain my boys and i are soon going to feel again.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Im done with that Puppy. Im so livid. I could care less right now. Im just more hurt and saddened by the fear and pain my boys and i are soon going to feel again.
Britt, Are you sure you understand what most of the men on here are telling you? You don't seem to be grasping this..
I can only speak for myself here, but it seems to be a common theme the men on here are telling you..
The methods we are proposing to you are to SAVE your relationship. They aren't to end it. Please understand this. I think you need to stop focusing on things like how hurt you are and how much your kids hurt and start focusing on doing what needs to be done to PREVENT the hurt from being a permanent result.
Most of the men on here are telling you how to respond and act because we KNOW what it does to a man when a woman who has been there for you STOPS being there for you and suddenly makes you wonder if she doe NOT love you anymore.
Suddenly the man panics and wonders if he has gone too far. What have I done he thinks. Suddenly his competitive nature (we know your husband has that nature because he plays hockey so much) kicks in after months or years of acting bored with you. Suddenly you are THE most important thing in his life. Suddenly he is doing housework, laundry, wanting to talk about marriage, wanting to go to counseling, sending you flowers, reading relationship books and on and on and on...
READ the threads of the men on this site. STUDY them.
Ask yourself this question....
What has the wife of the men on here been doing? Why is he so interested in saving the marriage? Why hasn't HE let go when she does NOT seem to want him? Why is he trying HARDER now than ever? When did HE wake up?
I believe you will find a common fine thread.. It was almost always AFTER she started to PULL away. She STOPPED telling him she loved him and started saying things like ILYBINILWY... I am not sure what I want. Maybe you should move out. Maybe we should separate. I need some time to think. We are too different. Why did you wait until now to change? I need some time for ME. We are just TOO different. etc etc etc.. Read the men on here and listen to what their wives are saying. LOOK how good that stuff works. Seems to be working very very well to get men to turn around doesn't it? Stop denying REALITY. Move emotinally AWAY from your husband and let him NOTICE and observe and FEEL it. You are NOT trying hard enough.
The only difference between these women and you is that it happened naturally.. Don't wait for that. Since you know it works, then act "as if" you feel that way. Pull him around by doing what works on men, not on what doesn't work. That isn't being smart. Be smart. Trust what we are telling you.
We KNOW these things work because this site is overflowed with men that have women doing and saying these things to them. We know these things work because we have men on here TELLING you they can NOT let go EVEN when his wife is doing everything in her power to tell him she wants out. Many of these men on here if not most, were given chance after chance to be what she wanted, but didn't wake up UNTIL she put him through a crisi/
It is the CRISIS that changes us. (look at what a crisis is doing to you)
You need to put him into a CRISIS. Major crisis.
Your FEAR should actally be that if you DON'T put him through the crisis that you marriage is going to be over. THAT should be your fear..
Stop being "reactive" and start being "proactive"
We are on here to SAVE your marriage and get this back on track. The way you are going about it is NOT heading in the correct direction. Being his doormat is not the way. Being a strong, decisive, proud woman that KNOWS she deserves better an is willing to risk the whole realtionship to get it is what will work the best.
Gucci, you always have the answer. I am just not good at this.
I am really close to the point though, where I won't have to act as if anymore, cause it is going to be my true feelings.
What man works 12 hours and then goes out straight from work when they have a chance to come home and kiss his boys goodnight.
A man who has problems.
I am to the point where I don't care where he goes, what he does. I will no longer be initiating any contact with him. He can do what he wants. He wanted me to get his parents xmas gifts and wrap them up for xmas day when "we" go to their house to celebrate. Yes he includes me in his family functions. But I've decided not to do it. Its not my responsibility anymore. If he wants me to be that person then he needs to commit to me and this marriage. Until then, no more meal making, no more clothes washing, no more anything. I will treat him like a room mate, just like I'm being treated.
The only thing is I need help through this, I don't know how to act in certain situations. I need you guys!
H texted at 4 today. I was busy shopping. Didn't answer. Called at 4:30, still busy, didn't answer.
Left the mall, texted back. He calls within seconds. Mad cause I didn't answer the phone earlier. I don't give him the satisfaction of reacting to his anger management problem. Just reply simply with "sorry bout that!"
H drops it, asks about my day, and the kids. Says he called earlier cause he wanted to stop by the house and see the kids.
Says, "have a good night!" Ugh, makes me sick to my stomach. Yep, don't worry about asking if I have plans or anything. Just go about your single life and come home to our house at the end of the night. Nice...
I "act as if", he says "see you later tonight" Uh, no you won't. I'll be sleeping. I just say goodbye.
About an hour later, phone rings again. He says he's calling to ask about the day again. He has more time now that he's off work. (When he called earlier he was still at work). I think it was just an excuse to test my waters as it really gets to him when I "act as if". Answer his questions. And try to get off phone. He says again..."see you later tonight!"
I don't know if he knows this, but he's going out. I go to sleep at 11. Probably not going to see you. I don't know what that comment is supposed to mean, but whatever. I just pray I'm sleeping when he gets home. DO NOT want to see him.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
P.S. Thanks everybody for having patience with me. I feel like I get to a stage where I'm doing good, and its working which it has been, then I'm pushed into a new stage and have to relearn all the tactics all over again.
Ex. When H was not at home, it took a bit, but I got a handle on things. Now he is home again, and its hard to re adjust to this new way of handling things. I'm trying, I really am. I want to succeed, I want to fix my marriage. I know everybody is trying to help me not help my marriage fail. Its just hard sometimes.
My H also has emotion problems. Meaning he has no idea how to handle them. So there is certain things I'm told to say or do. And with a typical human being it may work, but with my H it just backfires, cause he doesn't react to things the way most people would. I feel like I have to twist things a little to get the reaction I'm looking for. And don't always know how to do that. So believe me when I say " I appreciate everything, and I am really trying to follow your advice daily"
And after today, I feel a lightbulb may have turned on for me. The same lightbulb that turned on about 6 weeks into separation. It just takes a while for me to adjust. Thanks for the patience! I will need more! And more words of advice! I may need step by step help actually. That's how I feel sometimes.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
I'm sure those of you who have followed my sitch from the beginning would notice that my H turns allll his feelings into anger at first. So that's what I mean. He gets angry when he's sad, mad, hurt...etc. So its hard to deal with things with him, cause its anger I'm facing...just fyi.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
