I spent some time with friends last night. Did some Christmases shopping etc.
W was here this morning to drop S off for the weekend. (I wanted her to have to see her former home so I asked her to come here instead of having me pick him up). When she was here she said something about dividing up our Christmases ornaments. I snickered. She gave me a dirty look, but wouldn't say what was on her mind. I called her out on it.
Essentially, it was a clear sign we were done. Her tree is decorated already for this year, so she must not be planning on being together next year. I told her that and said that if were just going to get D lets just get on with it already.
Months ago she said she would get out for a while then come back and work on R. I said it seems clear that's not the plan anymore. She responded by telling me she has no plans for the future and is just going with the flow. I told her that she has been in the drivers seat the whole time, but I will not live like this long term. I also said that we need to address things rather than give smirked and dirty looks. We have a S together so married or not we need to learn how to work well together. I followed up by telling her that I don't see us ever working it out at this point. Its possible, but hard to see. I even touched on how weird it is to act like buddies with eachother. I said that may be the best way to be with eachother and gave her credit for being friendly, but told her I have a hard time with it and find it so strange feeling.
When I look at her I don't even see my W anymore. I hate that she dresses like a teenager now too. (I married a sweetheart from farm country, now she looks like a club kid)
It may be time.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
[quote] I told her that she has been in the drivers seat the whole time, but I will not live like this long term./quote]
EB, See a opportunity for a great 180?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I had let her slup into the driver's seat as my 180. (I'd historically been the 'driver') Could it be time for me time for me to start sharing that drivers seat?
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
I'm glad you're back in the driver's seat. Now, if she has "no plans for the future" don't mind read. This may be the case. You have every right to put your foot down, however. Perhaps you can say, "ok, then let's have a time line for when we either start working on piecing our M back together or file for D." That will clear up the fog pretty quickly I guess.
I don't really know if I am in the driver's seat or if I just stepped out of the car all together.
W sent me a text a few minutes ago. Apparently S was having a hard time with all of this when he was with her last night. She took it upon herself to make him an IC appt (didn't even discuss it with me). Should it bother me that i it wasn't even discussed?
I am having to fight the urge to tell her that she is the one doing this...asking her if she is happy now. Does she even see this as a consequence of her actions?
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
W sent me a text a few minutes ago. Apparently S was having a hard time with all of this when he was with her last night. She took it upon herself to make him an IC appt (didn't even discuss it with me). Should it bother me that i it wasn't even discussed?
I would say no; in the end, going to counseling will be a good thing for your son. It will allow him to start working on his feelings about the situation.
Originally Posted By: Energizer Bunny
I am having to fight the urge to tell her that she is the one doing this...asking her if she is happy now. Does she even see this as a consequence of her actions?
There's no point to asking her if she's happy. Even if she wasn't she probably won't admit it to you. She knows what she's done.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I'd like to think you're right. Hopefully she does know.
Since I posted last W has texted more. Now she wants to take S to her GF's son's birthday on Saturdays. I just remembered that this is my family's Christmases get together day. (This is going to be fun). She also wants to take him out of town on Christmas. Back to our hometown. This isn't what we planned before.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Me telling her to go file. S having some issues. Scheduling problems for the holidays. (I'm not trying overly hard to help her resolve these since she created the problem)
I wonder if W is starting to see consequences of her actions yet.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
