Hi AW, sorry for the harsh words, but I think that I still mean everyone of them. (((AW))) You will be fine. I think that you need to make that choice, right now, you need to become committed to being OK, no matter what your H chooses to do with his life. You are going to learn to be stronger, and more committed to yourself, and your family than you have ever been before.
Im so glad that you are going to go with your daughter to the class, those kinds of things will be great for you right now! Is that something that you might like to do? Take a cooking class?
I think that it can be really hard for people to hear about the terrible things that thier kin are doing. They dont want to take sides. I would stop talking to them about it. If they ask how you are, I would just be as frank as you can without giving them many details. Does your daughter know about whats happening? Do you go to church? Your pastor/priest might be able to help guide you through this. And dont feel bad about not being a very good leader for yourself right now, if I could take my own advice, things might be very different for me!
Also, have you thought about trying some medicine to help you out? Some anti depressants, or anti-anxiety medicine might really be able to help you. Theres no need to feel like this, and it can help you to sort of take control of your situation. Theres no shame in it, and lots of us (including me) have used them temporarily to help us out when things got really tough.
Good luck at the hospital, I will be thinking about you!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
