I'm new wondering if this works...

[sandi2]

I was an almost WAW who was in an EA. I had had years of a bad MR (no abuse, but no intimacy or conversation, etc.). We had had so much family problems down through the years and then I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.

The years I spent trying to get help with different doctors would take too long to tell. The Fibro is very painful but and stems from over stressed nerve...something or another (too complicated to explain). Anyway, I had been on a lot of different AD's b/c of depression. My job stress was killing me! At one time, the doctors had me so over-dosed that I couldn't get out of bed! Then, they took me off of everything at one time instead of tapering it off. That is when I almost went bonkers. But, I refuse to use that for my "crutch" for having an EA. It would take too many pages to relate everything about why, how, etc. But, to make a long shorter, I never walked away and I stopped contact with OM and my H and I are together. That is the good news.

It was still some time before I found a doctor who would treat me for hormone replacement thereapy. That was another "gift" from mother nature that I forgot to add.....menopause! When I was a girl, I would hear stories from my grandmother about how "crazy" some women got when the change of life hit. Now, I know!

So, anyway, I finally got on AD's that actually worked for me and with the help of the hormones, I was doing a lot better. Still have the pain, fatigue, etc. But I think it was from my work related stress and feeling that nobody there appreciates me or even tries to be compassionate (or even believe me) regarding my illness. Some people can make you feel pretty low ....like you are experiencing with H.

I was very surprised when I had my melt-down at the doctor's office. I was in so much physical pain that was working on my nervous system.....and was waiting in the room for him to see me. It seemed as if the air was just sucked out of the room and I couldn't breathe. I left out heading for the outside. The nurse looked at me funny and I told her I had to get outside for air. Then the doctor came out to find me and I was embarrassed b/c people were coming by staring. By the time he got me back inside, I felt almost disoreinted. Then my emotions overtook me and I started crying. It was all "nerves". Had nothing to do with my M, but the fact that I feel so stressed out at work. You know how it is when a bunch of women work in a close space!

When I was in my WAW mode, the type of attacks I had then was more of a wanting to "flight" thing. I would get up out of a class or wherever I was....and leave!

So, I don't know if there is a one size answer to it, but I do believe it has to do with our nervous system and something that is out of our control.......and that is why it feels so scary! We feel everyting is out of our control. We don't understand what is happening at that precise moment and why our bodies seem to have a mind of its own.

There are meds designed for panic attacks and I think you you really need to get that. I heard of one lady who would have them ever so often at her job, and would just have to leave until it passed. I don't think it is something that will stay with you forever, but is a result of your body reacting to stress.

Sorry if I have repeated anything I had already told you. I feel for you, even if our stories may vary......I know what you experience is very scary. You can't opperate under that situation, so please go to your doctor about it, okay?

Let me know.