A Choice

[patpat]

Thank you... I will.

I keep thinking though, how long does it take before they attempt to contact you (ya know, so you can avoid them). It seems like she has went dark on me at the same time. She has changed her routine. Does not stop by to check on her dogs or cat, speak to son, or pick up mail....

Just wondering...

[Serenity13]

Pat ~

I think it depends on the person and the amount of guilt they are trying to avoid...

The longest mine has gone with zero contact to me or out boys is 1 1/2 months...

It is a really crappy place to be in however if you can find some empathy for her and realize our spouses are hurting as well it will take some of the sting out of it.

[patpat]

Glad to hear from ya!!!!

Yes, W does know how I feel about the A and will not tolerate or share her.

She has stopped coming by for her dailies. She has gotten most of by now. Only took her clothes, make up, jewlry and the WII system. She also took with her some books; The Love Dare (Fireproof), The Marriage you've always wanted by Dr Gary Chapman, Desparate Marriages (Chapman) & The Five Love Languages (Chapman). Go figure!

She came back to get these items after she left initially.

I will read Nomads thread tonight. I am new to computer and get frustrated easily and just get off the thing. Also, i am a 2 finger typer.

I have been afraid. Still am. But the more I read, the easier it gets. I'll get there.

I find myself still looking for the magic word in someones stich... I know there is not one, just hopeful.

Thanks for responding... I will go back and re read what Coach, Deep, Puppy & Cutter said. I know they know what they are talking about... I have just been having a hard time getting over the fear.

Thanks again.

[Serenity13]

Pat ~

No thanks needed ever

Your situation is still "new" to you and it does take (the dreaded 4 letter word) time to accept it...Grieve, get angry, and then accept it is the "right now"...Once you make the decisions based on what you want, then you will be able to formulate a plan for your life.

As for fear - It will paralyze you if you allow it to. I know this...

It took me a long time to release my fear however once I did, I knew in that moment nothing would hold me back except myself.

Remember this - "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control" 1 Timothy 1:7

(((Hugs)))

[patpat]

Update:

W has close female friend at work. Someone she can talk too. This lady shares very similiar interests. W wants to hang out with her... OK!

W starts hanging out with friend. Friend has 35 year old son. He visits often at Mom's. Found out she is not OM mom.

OM's father left his mother. W's friend moved in. W hangin' with friend and now appears OM's father and W's friend are item. Found out this happened before W started hangin with female friend.

Friend prob told W, "hey, you should check out my BF son....

Om's father is married but having A with W friend, W friend is married but having A. OM's father is living with W's friend. Now my W is in A with OM and hanging with.... this is actually kinda funny.

Muligan stew of deceit. oh what a mess....

Some friends of mine called me and told me that they saw W and OM shopping @ Kroger the day before Thanksgiving together. Those turkeys!!!!

My friend told me that he know OM. That is how I got name.

Trying to find out if OM is married &/or with kids. Not there yet.

Prob will not worry about finding anything out till after holidays I think.

I've been feeling prit good these last few days, don't want to screw it up.

BTW.... I clean the house. My bedroom is awesome. Been trying to stay busy!

That's all for now....

[patpat]

Dark 6 days...

Found out yesterday W has been extremely sick. W went to Doc and perscribed meds. Found out from friend that W is not spending much time with OM (prob because she is sick).

Should I read anything into this?

Just a thought.

W told friend she has been thinking about coming home...

I do want to work on things, but if she returns sooner then later, should I let her move back in??? Just for a try...

[patpat]

hey all... need help... what to do?

Today, I finally got to talk to SIL. She has avoided the situation being W and I. SIL got divorced the same way. H left for OW. She says she feels my pain.

SIL stated that MIL & she do not like what is going on. They say right now they do not even know what is going on with my W. That she is not the person they know anymore. SIL thinks she is on drugs.

W stopped by for FIL's birthday and SIL says she could tell.

I helped a friends daughter move furniture today and while helping her move, came across W and OM @ OM's parents house. I feel like I should just go there, confront everyone in this home and get my wife back. W did not see me there. As quick as I noticed, I left.

Friends daughter just so happened to be moving in next door to OM. Boy, this just keeps getting better and better.

I wish I knew how to bust this thing up!!!

Thanks for the ear.... please advise...

[patpat]

Oh BTW.... I did tell her family about the A and how messed up it is. They already know and ave told her she needs to quit it.

They are trying to get her back in church...

[Coach]

You want to know how to bust up the affair?

Have you read around on Newcomers to see what works and what doesnt - NOMAD, Boundaries,Puppy-My Story, RockedWorld, AFlowerGirlie, Counting Crows, Soldier Dad, Wonderful.


Here's your best shot -
Boundaries/Tough Love + Loving Detachment= Busted Affair

[patpat]

Thanks Coach

I got DB today... after last post in mail. Reading now! DR should arrive Tuesday, can't wait.

I have calmed down since this am, doing better.

I have read many posts. Still having slight fear issues. However, I am also having better days. Dark 6 days now and feeling less pain.

I sure do appreciate everyone hear...

Still working on Boundaries & tough love