Ups and Downs

[Energizer Bunny]

I spent some time with friends last night. Did some Christmases shopping etc.

W was here this morning to drop S off for the weekend. (I wanted her to have to see her former home so I asked her to come here instead of having me pick him up). When she was here she said something about dividing up our Christmases ornaments. I snickered. She gave me a dirty look, but wouldn't say what was on her mind. I called her out on it.

Essentially, it was a clear sign we were done. Her tree is decorated already for this year, so she must not be planning on being together next year. I told her that and said that if were just going to get D lets just get on with it already.

Months ago she said she would get out for a while then come back and work on R. I said it seems clear that's not the plan anymore. She responded by telling me she has no plans for the future and is just going with the flow. I told her that she has been in the drivers seat the whole time, but I will not live like this long term. I also said that we need to address things rather than give smirked and dirty looks. We have a S together so married or not we need to learn how to work well together. I followed up by telling her that I don't see us ever working it out at this point. Its possible, but hard to see. I even touched on how weird it is to act like buddies with eachother. I said that may be the best way to be with eachother and gave her credit for being friendly, but told her I have a hard time with it and find it so strange feeling.

When I look at her I don't even see my W anymore. I hate that she dresses like a teenager now too. (I married a sweetheart from farm country, now she looks like a club kid)

It may be time.