Your doing well, and I am glad your putting these things down on this site. Talking/venting/analyzing will give you better control of how you feel. I know I am stating the obvious to you, but it's nice to revisit it once in a while to reframe your thoughts and emotions again.
Keep it up. Now is time for you, and I have watched your sitch since you started, and have seen the progress you have made.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
I don't know - based on what my W has said (won't go to a reconciliation C with you) and the lack of emotion on her part, I see MC as a dead end (cheeseless tunnel). Am I being pessimistic or just a realist - fine line b/w those two. Also, if the discussion strays into talk dealing with our R - I suspect she would simply shut down, MC is over.
I can be persuaded, but right now, given her mindset, I see MC as further pursuit by me and simply delaying the inevitable.
Ironically, I just got back from the gym. Great workout and nice to see the sights - there IS life out there.
Ran into the H of a frind of ours. My W and his talk a good bit. This guy seemed surprised I didn't have my wedding ring on. Just a suspicion. Told him my W is out of town and that I was trying to find some trouble to get into tonight with a buddy - just jokingly. But, who knows what gets back to my W.
Haha, GIMA, stop by my latest post in Surviving the big d.
I am holding up, in the face of some ridiculous stuff. Since you may be heading down the same road I am, you can use my last couple months as a roadmap for things to watch out for, and things not to do..
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Glad to see that you are keeping busy today. Been catching up on your thread and I know what you mean when you can see yourself walking away from your M. You can become battle wearing hanging in there so long. More importantly, with any battle you want to win at least some victories if you can't win the war and it is hard to keep on fighting when the other "side" shows no sign of letting up or no real chink in the armor.
You are a good guy and you have given it your all. When you run from a M without truly trying or even committing to counselling what does this bode for the survival of your future relationships? Nothing good. Our spouses may learn the hard way.
Glad to see that you are keeping busy today. Been catching up on your thread and I know what you mean when you can see yourself walking away from your M. You can become battle wearing hanging in there so long. More importantly, with any battle you want to win at least some victories if you can't win the war and it is hard to keep on fighting when the other "side" shows no sign of letting up or no real chink in the armor.
You are a good guy and you have given it your all. When you run from a M without truly trying or even committing to counselling what does this bode for the survival of your future relationships? Nothing good. Our spouses may learn the hard way.
Kara,
I just see no way my sitch is going to change with pursuing MC when her mind and heart are not in it for the right reasons.
I agree with you. I went through the Retrouvaille program with my W, but her heart wasn't in it. She never had any intention of reconciliation. It broke my heart b/c I had expectations.
-LFH
ME: 38 W: 35 D2.5 and S5 Married 12 years Separated (same house, different rooms) INILWYAM by W: 4/16/2009 The day W requested a D: 4/17/2009
I agree with you. I went through the Retrouvaille program with my W, but her heart wasn't in it. She never had any intention of reconciliation. It broke my heart b/c I had expectations.
-LFH
And I'm willing to take the risk of being hurt again, but not if she says she isn't willing to take the risk of it as well (i.e., willing to consider reconciliation and explore her issues with the M).
I went through the Retrouvaille program with my W, but her heart wasn't in it. She never had any intention of reconciliation. It broke my heart b/c I had expectations.
Well I sure know what THAT feels like
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
