First time poster feeling a bit lost

[MT21]

Sandii,

Help...

Today I planned to take the children to an outdoor ice rink, but on my own. She was staying at a friends (girl) so I didn't invite her, (she would be sleeping it off from last nights party). But my daughter called her early and I said if shes up would should like to come. She said yes. I picked her up friends house shortly after.

We had a nice time ice skating didn't talk a lot but more than we had all week. I have been business like in my responses this week. At home I unpacked her overnight bag to do the washing. I found new lingerie very very nice and quite expensive,,It hurt... No evidence of OM, phone etc etc..

(I made a mistake, whilst trying to set some financial boundaries, I asked her about it, she told me that she wanted to look nice for herself and it wasn't for anyone else)

We got talking about R, she told me that she thought I was trying to get back at her this week, she didn't know how to act around me and that she thought me not making conversation was difficult, she thought we should talk more.
I told her I was looking after myself and getting out more, I told her that I was not unpleasant, she agreed.

I asked her about counseling, she has agreed, but I am not sure if it can help, especially if we choose the wrong one.How can I choose|


She tells me that she thought we have never communicated, right back to when we were married, she intimated that she has not felt "right" since the birth of our second child and when she lost the weight. Our d is 9 shortly.

NOW THAT'S A REAL LONG TIME TO REWRITE HISTORY???

So her feelings have not changed, and although she doesn't want divorce now, she wants us to get things sorted, finance, kids, communication etc...until we both agree that's its time.
She doesn't want to hurt my feelings by pushing it through.
But she sees no way through this.

She says that she feels very stressed and quite ill, and thats because of a build up of emotions based on many different events over the years. she agrees she has never tried to talk to me about these "events".
She cannot give any real specific issues though.
I asked the question how she would feel if i was to leave her life and not talk to her again. She told me that's not what she wants, she likes me and cares for me and what happens to me.

She wants us to go to the MILS for xmas day and My families on B.Day...she will find it difficulty yo go to my families.
Should I take her? should I go to MILS?

I just dont know how to figure this out, she says I look good with the weight loss, and my skin, hair etc,,, looks great and I dont look as tired...but still no change.
She has also recognized that I am different, calmer in some way.

Whats is my next move? More GAL, More formal business like talking. She really doesnt like that..I think it will push her out...Thats not what I want.

We hugged earlier...It felt good. she has lost a few pounds again and is v.fit.
(As an analogy, some friends of hers told me that everyone in work thinks she looks like catherine zeta jones, so you can imagine what I am dealing with here. confidence, determination and good looks. It is not easy)

I feel like after shes come home and we talked like Ive gone back a week, if formal talking is the way forward how can I just start doing that again?
sorry about my post its all over the place.

One thing the other week when we argued I said some horrible things to her...not my brightest hour..but I told her I would fight for the kids...this as been on her mind..is this the thing that keeps her here "until it feels right?"

I just need some advice/words of encouragement.

MT