Waiting More Than a Dozen Years

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

You are leaping desperately out of the way of the point . . . but you can't miss it forever because you don't really want to. If you honestly were as obstinately determined to fail as you're pretending to be, you'd be off somewhere else doing something else.

But you're going to have to make the scary leap to being honest about what you have to offer sooner or later if you want anything to change in your marriage. Declaring that you're worthless and waiting for her to contradict you is not working.

This the Captain.
For the recprd, as I begin this post, I had submitted 65 posts. You had submitted 275. Looking at your profile, you had submitted 170 posts in less time than I've submitted my 65. Since your being "back" you have submitted more posts than my entire period of time here. The reason for making this distinction will be evident in a moment.

You do not listen. Oh, you "hear" stuff, much of it (apparently) generated by the monologue going on inside your head.

So, let me go down this list point by point:

"You are leaping desperately out of the way of the point . . . but you can't miss it forever because you don't really want to."

You read "X" and you hear "Y" and then treat "y" and all the "meaning" baggage associated with "Y" as THE TRUTH. All those times you've said that you don't understand your wife...perhaps it's because you are not listening to her and are busy listening to yourself. I certainly grasp metaphor and yet this metaphor of "leaping desperately out of the way..." is the invention of your own imagination and has no bearing in reality.

"If you honestly were as obstinately determined to fail as you're pretending to be, you'd be off somewhere else doing something else."

Decribe, in specific and measurable terms what constitutes "failure" (or for that matter what constitutes "success"). If you can not describe the outcomes in specific and measurable outcomes (e.g, sexual intimacy including foreplay, intercourse, and afterplay that lasts for at least one hour, at least once every 7 days), then you can never succeed or fail. So, what constitutes failure?

As for being somewhere else, doing somehing else...looking at the number of posts, I suggest that I am somewhere else, doing something else. An example of something being both specific and measurable.

"But you're going to have to make the scary leap to being honest about what you have to offer sooner or later if you want anything to change in your marriage. Declaring that you're worthless and waiting for her to contradict you is not working.

.

Here is the "leaping" metaphor again. What I offer and what is "valued" are two different things. I can offer, for example, a large penis, one that exceeds the 95th percentile in both length and girth. I truly can go where no man (or most men) have gone before. And although I am "out of practice," I could offer either of my two wives hours of intimate sexual play to their satisfaction and to exhaustion if they so desired. There was never a request made by them that I found "off-limits." And since this is a forum on sex-starved marriages, this is the sort of thing that I can state that I offer as an intimate partner to a woman. if you can do it, it's not bragging.

And while sex is only part of the total way of being, my personal observation is that whole package of the sexual and intimate love is valued for only so long (about 7 years) before it starts before my two wives find it to be less valuable and it completely loses its value a little over 11 years from the very start.

That being said, what you have done is conflate and confude your own feelings with what I actually said. I said that "I am not worth fighting for." You can actually go back and read the words since I put them in bold text. What you "heard" was your monologue that told you what I said was that I was "worthless." They are not the same thing.

You would do well to listen to what people say to you and not what your monologue is telling you (and you might also question the "reality" of that monologue by asking questions like "are you saying that you are worthless?) rather than sweeping onto your own grand fallacy as if it were the TRUTH. It is one thing to listen and say it does not fit my reality and my experience. It is quite another to insist that your reality in the face of what is actually said is the way things "should be."

When you grasp that and live youer life through that in an on-going way, life will seem very different to you than "before."