Think OW is here in my house right now!

[aflowergurlie]

Thank you Gno - you are like my lifeline right now. I will stop right now.

You are right on with the point that I'm at - I'm feeling myself on the verge of cracking. And I am going to get myself ready and get out of here.

I actually am a step ahead of the game on the self-loathing head talk. Because I have been dealing with this issue with him for so many years and have been in counseling for so long with a specialized sex addiction counselor, I am ahead in realizing and truly knowing within my being that this is NOT my fault, and I'm not stupid, and I didn't cause him to stray. This is all him and the deeply broken person he is. He has issues from childhood abuse (sexually) from a family member who then died tragically a few years later. There are no excuses, but I know that this is the source of his pain that he keeps plaguing and hating himself with to keep him in this addiction.

I truly hope someday he will do the work when he gets help next time instead of just trying to fix symptoms of his problem as he always did in the past. I hope that he will be able to have a truly healthy relationship at some point in his life. I am just grieving the loss that it won't be with me. And that for me, it is now time to take care of me and heal all this pain and agony I have been through for all these years, plus all this more that has been heaped on top.