Moving on with my life!

[Reincarnated]

Ooh, I've seen that. They don't like it when we show that we won't jump at their beck and call..

[25yearsmlc]

Today Mrs. Sanford, the wife of the Gov of SC, filed for divorce due to infidelity her h seems unable to stop. She said, quite graciously & without anger, that her husband's infidelity did nothing to HER self esteem; it "reflected poorly on him"...

What a great quote. What a model for many of us here. She was listed as among the 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009 for just this reason.

And S2, your d's problem with her bf is a RED FLAG for you. OMG her fears and trust issues come across as needy and probably controlling to her bf so she's undermining her R with him and that comes from your experience!! Come on, straighten up and pick yourself up and dust yourself off...what signal do you need, to see that your behavior is having an effect on your children? IT IS! Model the other, healthy behaviors written about here. Please, it's high time. Your xh is bad news for you.

If that changes, you'll know.

And as for "needing" OM to make you feel good about yourself, I reject that as unhealthy, untrue and unattractive. So even if it were true, you'd be sabatoging yourself by showing it and it does show or your xh would not behave the way he does. The folks who have detached don't need OP in their lives. Down the road I'm sure many of them do find OPs b/c they're so far ahead in their personal growth and have healthy self esteems. The fact that they don't "need" OP is why they attract them! Make sense?


And your xh was in NO position to critisize you for (ANYTHING--he's your X for a reason!) but for going to your son's match in the rain? Why?? Truth is HE FORGOT TO GO and you didn't forget. Why'd you listen to that garbage? Tell him to call you when he can speak with a calm/respectful tone and hang up after one warning....hey, cheating spouses take a toll on our egos of course. We get that. But this man is no barometer of your self worth. Stop putting up with such outrageous behavior. If he cared enough to attend or drive, he'd have recalled the match. What's up with his belief he's in any position to critique your behavior? I'd cut that off quickly and nip it in the bud saying "XH, you are not in any position to critisize my parenting and I'm not inviting feedback from you".....did he think you wanted his commentary??

Detach. Please, read up on it and just do it. Or stay stuck forever (how long??? ) and all the years you spend NOT detaching, you are wasting your life AND showing your children how to stay stuck...don't model that for your children, who are at SUCH an impressionable time...there's lots of excuse making going on in your thread about how you give in, cave, "can't do such and such" b/c it's a small town AND yet you stay there and your kids learn that life just happens to them...no control over their destinies or fate or lives...whatever...

Jesus, what a sad attitude. Your d thinks she has to have a bf or she's unworthy (Where'd she get that idea?) and she's worried that her bf will cheat b/c he's out with the boys and instead of choosing to be with her friends for a chick night out or a chick flick evening at home, she's frantic and hurt...it's urgent that you show them stronger healthier behavior...NOW. Enjoy what you have in your life and show your kids you are fine thank you very much. And I have older children like you and one 12 y/o and they're all close despite the age difference. I LOVE having a young one at home. Stop obsessing about what OM want in a woman. I went to my HS reunion and my hs bf would LOVE to have a family and there are men out there who didn't have kids or who's wives left them and took the kids. They like being dads/stepdads... You cannot care about what you think OM want and base any of your attitude on life on that. OMG...come on, take charge of your life. No one else will. You need to re-read the part I wrote about your life being a novel. You are not writing your own life's book! You're letting a drunk cheater decide how each chapter will go...that's on you S2...self inflicted misery. Honey if you are stuck on this man, then you need professional help. No shame in that. I was spinning my wheels and my anger would have consumed me if I had not gotten help to learn how to detach. Read other DBers stories--the healthy ones and the ones who busted their div...if you only read other needy stuck people's thread, sometimes you think it's okay to stay there. Don't stay stuck anymore.

BTW, do you have female friends? If not, make some. It helps a lot. Join groups! Not everything cost a lot. No more "I can't b/c..." and lots more of "I CAN Do this by making that arrangement...and I AM DOING IT...."
j-

[bright_new_day]

Better. Now the other thing you need to go do is file to have the CS taken directly from his check. You were supposed to do that a while ago!

Yeah I do need to do that. I am very apprehensive.

Why? He seems to have no problem asking you to run his errands, etc. He should be apprehensive! It is about your daughter. He will have to accept it.

[Startingover2]

Yea..that was harsh but needed.

I ended up responding to a text last night too quickly. Today is a new day. But at 9 last night exh asked if we were up and I said yes. 10 minutes later he was knocking at my door. He was on call and on his way to work for awhile but he wanted to say goodnight to baby. He was here 10 minutes and left.

What I have realized the past few days is it truly is about baby. He is showing nothing more towards me other than friendliness...which is fine, but I don't think this interest in the family life includes me. Right now I am just a part of the package due to the circumstances. When he leaves, there is no linger and akwardness that there was before. Now he just kisses baby and walks quickly to the door. Its the weekend though, that may change.

Oh, when he was here last night I got on the computer and was just looking around. I saw that Tiger is giving up golf for awhile to work on his personal life. When I saw it I sorta blurted it out kinda in amazement. Exh just said "Hmph" and turned away. BTW, even though what Tiger did sucks and was horrible, he is now trying to make it right with his family. I admire that. I wish all WS would come to that realization!

Exh is supposed to have a visit this morning. Then I am going to go back to no responding right away and try and put a little distance there. I do like that we are friendly to eachother at least for baby's sake but my mental health is taking a huge nosedive.

After he leaves my son has a wrestling tournament and I will head to that for awhile.

Oh, I did get asked out on a date! Too bad the guy is undateable! He is someone that I dated back when I was 18. Then he sorta went the wrong way and has had some issues in the past with drinking and drugs. He is doing better the past few years, but I don't think I should go there. He lives in Texas and is here for a few days. He got ahold of me thru my son when my son goes back to Texas every summer. It will be nice to see him again, but thats all. Felt good anyway.

[Startingover2]

I think that I am ok with the realization that its all about baby. He is her dad and needs to be a part of her life, but not at my expense. In his ideal world he would be able to manage coming and going here like he pleases, keeping me mentally from moving on, and walk out and go be with whomever he wants and do what he wants. He can do that. I cannot. Divorced people have schedules. We have one and I need to keep it. If he misses his time for whatever reason, then so be it. I would love it if he pulled a Tiger and stood for his family, but he doesn't want to.

Trying like heck to get a sitter for tonight. Not working so far. I want to go do something and some friends are going to this local place and it should be fun. For some reason it makes me feel in control of myself thinking about going out and not sitting here thinking about exh. It really hasn't been an option before mostly because I didn't want to, but now I do and I can't find a sitter!

[Reincarnated]

Call your ex! This would have been a perfect thing to set up, even if you asked him the last time you saw him (this morning?) Let his willingness to "pop in" work FOR you...

Hope you get the sitter - I'm going out tonight with some girlfriends for dinner and a movie, myself (seeing The Blindside).

[Reincarnated]

Also, glad to hear that you have a new (or renewed) perspective on his interests. Hard to face, but he has so much more that he would have to do to deserve to be a part of your life.

[Startingover2]

Call your ex! This would have been a perfect thing to set up, even if you asked him the last time you saw him (this morning?) Let his willingness to "pop in" work FOR you...

Hope you get the sitter - I'm going out tonight with some girlfriends for dinner and a movie, myself (seeing The Blindside).

I wish...he has supervised visits from the court so I don't want to screw that up. Still working on it though!

[Reincarnated]

Oh, forgot about that....hopefully he can get his sh!t together enough that he can handle being a father on his own.
Still hoping you can get out tonight!

[Startingover2]

Ok, my d18 is going to watch baby for me. Leaving at 9 after I put her to bed! I know exh will hear about it, I just hope I don't get in trouble. Not sure how the courts feel about me asking my d18 to watch her.